Identical Hand Twins
Season 5, Episode 23 & 24
Friends S5:E23 & Friends S5:E24 - This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand! Hey there, preFrienders. I'm so pleased that you've all chosen to gather here today to be a part of a post that's five years in the making. (Well, four years, nine months, and four days, to be exact.) On September 22nd, 2014, we started this journey together on a whim. It was impossible, at the time, to grasp the full scope of the commitment we were signing up for. It just seemed like a fun dare, a neat way for our ragtag, jack-of-all-trades little blog to plant a flag in the pop culture arena. I'm mean, at the time we were thinking, how hard could it be to write a Friends blog post on the 20th anniversary of every episode, right? It will be a piece of cake. Of course, it only took a few weeks working on the project for us to realize how enormously foolish we had been. Our flippantness had landed us square at the beginning of the longest blog-writing marathon we could've possibly imagined for ourselves and our arrogance was ensuring that there was no escape. Had we been granted the wisdom of foresight, we would've let this Friends 20/20 idea pass through the ethos of theLeftAhead and evaporate back into the larger creative consciousness like dozens of other equally-worthy ideas for improving the site had before and since. But unfortunately, on that late-September Monday afternoon, there was no foresight to be granted. Instead, we hastily conceived the rules and parameters for this blog series, furiously cranked out the inaugural post, and blindly set out into the wilderness. Now, here we are, convening at such a historic landmark. I've got to say, it's a little overwhelming. There were so many times we wanted to wave the white flag, abort the mission, and call in a rescue team to help pull us back out. Ever-present in the back of our minds, though, during those moments of doubt was that tricky, tricky arrogance reminding us that we would never abandon the mission; never let the legacy of this Friends 20/20 project be: incomplete. So we trudged ahead, week after week, year after year, season after season dependably delivering that witty, insightful commentary that loyal readers of theLeftAhead have come to expect. Also along the way during our arduous trek, we'd often fantasize about what it might feel like, look like, taste like, even smell like to get to where we are today. What's that smell, you ask? Well, companion travelers, that smell is The Halfway Point. And I've gotta say, it smells good.
Could this moment be any sweeter? Actually it could and it is because added bonus: not only are we at the Halfway Point of our little blog series that could journey but today we just so happen to also be covering one of the funniest episodes of the entire series! You better believe it! Today is the Vegas Episode, baby! This episode has it all. There's Chandler and Monica drama, Ross and Rachel drama, Phoebe in a fierce lurking duel with frail, old lady, and of course...Joey's Identical Hand Twin!! So what do you say we second chorus this banger and transition immediately into the breakdown? We'll begin today's analysis with Monica and Chandler happily exchanging pleasantries on their flight to Vegas to start their romantic anniversary celebration when BAM...Phoebe. While, yes, technically Monica only has herself to blame for not telling Chandler about her lunch with Richard but come on Phoebe! Our quirky massage therapist sure does have a knack for divulging her friend's secrets to her other friends, doesn't she? You would think Monica would've been more upset with Phoebe for letting the cat out of the bag but maybe she wasn't because this is just par for the course with Phoebe, at this point. Phoebe's damage done, the ensuing insecurity about Richard that Chandler demonstrates fuels a tasty treat of comedy (not only in this episode, but for years to come) and the couples quarrel quickly threatens to ruin Mondler's romantic getaway. After spending most of their first evening in Vegas apart, Monica and Chandler eventually make up on the Caesar's Palace casino floor and then, in celebration of Monica rolling hot dice, decide to raise the stakes on their relationship. Hold that thought.Meanwhile, Rachel and Ross (still in New York) have a hilarious encounter where Ross (looking over from his building across the street) spots Rachel being naked in her living room and determines that this must be her way of seducing him. He goes over and throw himself at Rachel only to be rejected and informed that Rachel's nudity was not for his benefit. This sets into motion a series of dueling practical jokes designed to embarrass one another that ends with Rachel arriving in Las Vegas with writing on her face that won't come off. Too embarrassed to be seen in public during her predicament, Rachel forces Ross to hang out with her in her hotel room which results in the two of them getting hammered. So hammered, in fact, that Rachel eventually agrees to leave the room under the condition that she gets to draw on Ross's face as well. Both equally hammered and both sporting hilarious inked up faces, Ross and Rachel shake the foundations of the Friends universe when it's revealed as the Season Five cliffhanger that, in a drunken-flurry, THEY GOT FREAKIN MARRIED!! Oh yeah, remember that thought we held in the previous paragraph? It turns out that Monica and Chandler were there to witness Ross and Rachel tying the knot because that stakes-raising decision that Monica and Chandler about their relationship was to FREAKING GET MARRIED THEMSELVES!! Turns out that not only is this The Halfway point in our project but the episodes leaves us dangling over a cliff, hanging by our fingers about not one but both of the most consequential relationships on the show. Quite a tasty treat of an episode, don't you think? If all of that isn't enough, though, there's Phoebe trying to best that old lady at the time-honored tradition of lurking and the cherry on top of the entire dessert is Joey's Identical Hand Twin!! I can't think of a better place to pitch a tent for the summer than right under the ample shade of the Identical Hand Twin song. I'm just going to leave this right here (meaning, right below) to keep you cool, safe, and protected as we rest up these next few months for the second half of our impossible mission. Enjoy the break. We've certainly earned it. It's so great to be here together at the Halfway Point. It's been a long five years but we've made it because I've been there for you and you've been there for me too. Like Regina Follange leaving Conference Room B to converse with a couple of Identical Hand Twins before being noticed by a security guard that's already banned Phoebe Buffay, I'm out!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey comes up with a money making scheme while working as a gladiator at Caesars Palace, Monica gives Chandler a trip to Las Vegas to visit Joey as an anniversary present, Phoebe decides she will also go on the trip to Las Vegas and then invites Ross and Rachel too, Chandler asks Monica to marry him, Ross and Rachel play pranks on each other, get really drunk, and then tie the knot in Vegas, and Joey gets thrown out of the casino for conspiring with Phoebe to harass a guy who he believes should embrace their shared future together as identical hand twins.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Phoebe are at Rachel's apartment when Chandler enters and says, "Hey." Monica walks up to greet him beaming and declares, "It's almost our anniversary!" Joining in her enthusiasm, Chandler responds, "I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler." Unable to resist interjecting herself into the couples little moment, Phoebe announces, "Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler." Unprepared for Phoebe's quick wit, Chandler reacts with a caught off guard, "Huh?" Refocusing her boyfriend on their special moment, Monica tells Chandler, " I got you a present!" Not wanting to spoil the occasion, he protests, "Oh, but it's not 'til tomorrow!" Handing him a box, Monica insists, " I know, but you have to open it today." Chandler accepts with an "okay" and then starts meticulously attempting to unwrap the gift. Monica grows increasingly impatient until she can't control it anymore. She grabs the box back, rips it open and says, "Okay! There you go! It's two tickets to Vegas!" Surprised and excited, Chandler exclaims, "Wow!" Equally excited, Monica explains, "For this weekend! Oh gosh, it would be perfect, we get to see Joey plus we get to start our anniversary celebration on the plane. We can call it out plane-aversary." Absorbing the lameness of Monica's cheesy suggestion for naming their trip, Chandler protests, "Do we have to?" The wind taken out of her sails, Monica sheepishly relents, "No." Returning to the trip itself, Chandler probes, "Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there." Confident about her reading of Joey's intentions, Monica continues selling Chandler, explaining, "Oh, he just doesn't want us to go through any trouble. Think of how excited he'll be when we go out and surprise him! Plus we get to have our own, ani-Vegas-ary! A-Nevadaversary!" [The Knockout] Annoyed that Monica's insistence on naming the trip has now reached pique-cheesiness, Chandler the Great aka Lord Quippington of The Village deadpans, “Yeah, I think we should see other people.”
Featured Image Source: Recap Guide
Headline GIF Source: Post Script Productions
The King and Eye
Season 5, Episode 22
Friends S5:E22 - Howdy, Friendsters. Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the last stop before the halfway point of this wacky train ride we call Friends 20/20. That's right, travel enthusiasts. The countdown clock to Summer Vacation 2019 has hit the one week mark and we have successful rounded first and are now sliding into second on the base path for this entire damn project! I can't lie. Being as how this is the second-to-last blog post before my annual exodus to an undisclosed tropical beach paradise, I was more than tempted to further push the limits of my New Year's Resolution 2019 by declaring today's post a MAIL-IN SPECIAL. Unfortunately, though, playing that cards was off of the table when I walked into theLeftAhead offices this morning and was called into a meeting with my editor, Ted James. I must say, I was in a great mood commuting in this morning planning to punch in with a MAIL-IN SPECIAL and then immediately punch back out so it really caught me off guard to arrive and find out the boss wanted to do my annual performance review. I won't bore you with the details of the meeting but let's just say that the good news is by some stroke of luck, I'm still not fired. The bad news, on the other hand, was based on the nature of the conversation, it became abundantly clear to me that getting in and out today with a M.I.S. was completely out of the question. Never fear, loyal readers, because knowing Uncle Kenny as you do, you know that I'm not prone to obeying authority and I'm even less prone for taking direction from a superior so I cleverly figured out a way to as little work as I had been planning to do for the MAIL-IN SPECIAL but in way that ties into the content of today's episode enough so that this post escapes the M.I.S. designation on a technicality. Clever, I know. So do you want me to tell you what I'm about to tie in order to not have to write another paragraph or two of direct episode-related content? Well, class, after my performance review, I tricked Mr. James into playing the game where you ask a question and then answer it really fast. And like any good journalist, I recorded the conversation on my phone. Here is the transcript:
Ted James - Fast Answer Question Game
What do you like better - recording music or writing for theLeftAhead?
Recording music
What type of music would you rather listen to - classic hip hop or classic rock?
Classic rock
What would you rather do - write Black & Silver or read Friends 20/20?
Write Black & Silver
What is Kawhi Leonard - a winner or a quitter?
A quitter
What am I closer to having happen - getting promoted or getting fired?
Getting fired
Why did you hire me?
Because it was easier than writing 236 blog posts about Friends myself 🤷♂️
That's it for today, class. SEE YOU AT THE HALF-WAY POINT NEXT WEEK!!! Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel has to face her fear of things touching her eye when she needs to get treated for an infection, Joey gets the lead role in a movie that's shooting outside of Las Vegas, Chandler accept's Joey's invitation to join him on a road trip to the movie set but then gets kicked off the trip when he tells Joey he doesn't think this movie will be his big break, Phoebe is mad at Ross but can't remember why, Ross figures out that Phoebe is mad at him for telling her she is boring in her dream which in turn makes Ross mad at Phoebe, Monica puts herself in charge of making sure Rachel goes to the eye doctor and subsequently takes her eye drops, and the gang is forced to pin Rachel like the king and eye drops are finally successfully applied to Rachel's infection.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe and Monica are playing cards at Monica and Rachel's apartment when the phone rings. Phoebe excitedly informs Monica, "Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. Or-or Rachel!" Monica picks up the phone and answers, "Hello?" After hearing the voice on the other end of the line, she looks over to Phoebe and tells her, "It's Joey." As Phoebe smiles (clearly pleased with herself), Monica tells Joey, "I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Ya know he's really upset about it." From a pay phone somewhere out on his road trip, Joey says, "Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!" Curious, Monica asks, "What did you do to his sweater vests?" Joey answers, "Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio." He then continues, "Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car." Monica replies, "Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second." She hands the phone to Phoebe who then greets Joey, "Hey dude!" Joey greets her back, "Hey Pheebs!" He then asks, "Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?" Phoebe matter-of-factly answers, "Oh that's my grandma. And thanks Joey she's having a really great time." Chandler then arrives at Monica and Rachel's and notices Phoebe on the phone. He runs over emphatically asking, "Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!" Phoebe informs Joey, "Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering..." Hearing a dial tone on the line, Phoebe looks up at Chandler and says, "Okay, I guess he ran out of change." Frustrated, Chandler vents, "Ya know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?" Monica suggests, "Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las Vegas he'll know that you're sorry." [The Knockout] Seeming to like the idea, Chandler puts his game face on and says as seriously as he possibly can, "That's a good idea. I wonder where I could get a basket of porn?"
Featured Image Source: The Hollywood Reporter
Headline Image Source: Zehra Atik on Pintrest
Team Monica
Season 5, Episode 21
Friends S5:E21 - Yo, yo, ma Friends. How's everyone doing on this, the first Monday in May? Hopefully no one in the class is fighting off any repercussions from an overly festive Cinco De Mayo yesterday. (Since everyone else is sharp and focused, that probably means I'm speaking to you, Johnny. Take off those shades in my classroom. Never mind, put them back on. You look absolutely wrecked. Haven't you ever heard of the hair of the dog that bit me?) Me? How were my Cinco de Mayo festivities? Thanks for asking. Well, unlike Johnny back there, I celebrated a little bit but not enough to enter the hangover-zone. And even if I were hungover, I know it wouldn't be fazing me right now because, if you remember, last time we convened, we started the official countdown clock to Summer Vacation 2019! And since an entire week has past now since starting that countdown, by my calculations, students, we have only 336 hours (or 14 days) ((or two weeks)) left until this clock's time is up and summer vacation begins! Unlike Joey and Ross's ball tossing game, we have an end to Friends 20/20: Season 5 and that sweet, sweet end is firmly in sight.So let's keep it moving and cut right into the meat of this episode. I love that Joey and Ross decided to make a game out of tossing a ball back forth for as long as they could without dropping. This was a phenomenal idea and I must say quite a solid way to chop it up with your buddies on a day when you're just hanging out and shooting the shit. It seems like the type of thing my mid-twenties buddies and me would've done to kill time. In fact, I'm a little jealous that we never thought of it. Especially given the fact that I have a background in ball tossing games. Don't believe me? Check the resume, son. During childhood trips to visit my aunt and uncle, my uncle would take my brother and me to his neighborhood pool and we would play a ball tossing game where you jumped up to toss the ball, then another player had to jump up to catch the ball and toss it to the next player, and so on. We would play this ball tossing game until someone dropped it and count the number of times we went without dropping. This went on for years. So yeah, I've got so much ball tossing game experience I should've had the foresight to bring those skills to my early-twenties "hanging with my bros" time and experience the type of epic joyous voyage that Joey and Ross embarked on in today's episode. Of course just like any other good "hanging out with your friends" activity, ball tossing games come with the risk that that one friend that nobody wants to let play because they are so annoying they will ruin it inevitably somehow stops by. Because of course they do. In this case, we all know who that friend is. Sure enough, Monica just had to have happened to leave her glove over at Joey and Chandler's and couldn't have just got straight to work. And the nerve to make the suggestion that the team should be named after her in a game that she played absolutely no role in inventing? Although we all know that there's no I in team, it's abundantly clear that there's an I in monIca.
One quick thought before we wrap up today. Is Gary really that stupid? In the handful of episodes that he had the opportunity to date Phoebe, did he really not make any effort at all to get to know her? Even if laying in bed and shooting birds through your window really is your thing, how do you not know to hide that little fetish from Phoebe Buffay aka the Biggest Lover of Innocent Animals in all of New York City? Thanks for playing, Gare Bear. After this, we've got only two episodes left in Season 5. Unfortunately for you, you will not be joining us for them. Gary the Cop: You are the biggest dumb ass. Glad I got that off of my chest. Aight, y'all. Let's keep it moving. On to the recap. One.Two. Three. Team Adams.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey and Ross decide to see how long they can toss a ball back and fourth without dropping it, Monica finds out from Gary (in confidence) that he's going to ask Phoebe to move in with him and immediately tells Phoebe, Phoebe asks Chandler to talk to Gary and use his fear of commitment to talk Gary out of wanting to ask her to move in with him, Chandler tries to talk to Gary but ends up agreeing with him that he and Phoebe are ready to move in together, Rachel buys an evil hairless sphynx cat for $1000 dollars and then unloads it on Gunther for a profit of $500 after the evil cat starts scratching her up, and Monica and Chandler (aka The Dropper) join Joey and Ross's ball tossing game only to have Monica (true to form) try to take it over and call the group Team Monica.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Upon Phoebe's request, Chandler goes to Gary's police precinct to try to use his fear of commitment to talk Gary out of asking Phoebe to move in with him. As Chandler is walking past a holding area towards Gary's desk, he notices a couple of prostitutes sitting and waiting. [The Knockout] With a huge smirk that could light up the New York sky, Chandler leans over, greets them and asks, "Hey ladies! What are you in here for?"
Close Call Day
Season 5, Episode 20
Friends S5:E20 - Hey there, FRIEND-watching galaxy! I hope you had another excellent week in the vortex. Speaking of such, while we all know there's nothing better than living that vortex life, we also all know that writing (or in your case reading) weekly blog posts on the 20th anniversary of the initial airing of each episode can sometimes be tedious, tiring, soul-crushing work. (Especially when I assign homework. Right, Johnny?) Well, class, one of the best antidotes to the doldrums of this weekly grind that we were foolish enough to sign up for and are too stubborn to back out of is acknowledging when some relief is on the horizon. With that in mind, I'm ecstatic to start today's proceedings with the official countdown clock for Summer Vacation 2019! That's right, Phoebes and Phoebos. Counting today, there's only four posts left until an 18-week break! Can you believe it's already almost that time again? As if this wasn't exciting enough "hope is on the horizon" news all on its own, here's the kicker. On May 20th, after I put the finishing touches on the blog post for the infamous Vegas double-episode, WE WILL BE EXACTLY HALFWAY THROUGH OUR RIDICULOUS DARE OF AN IMPOSSIBLE MISSION!! It's almost surreal to think about but the halfway mark of the FRIENDS 20/20 blog series is a mere THREE WEEKS AWAY! If you haven't noticed, I can't wait to get to Summer Vacation 2019 and now that we've officially started the clock, let's get this "Four Posts to the Halfway Point Countdown" party started right about now (the funk soul brother).
When last we left our heroes, Joey and Chandler were best buds. Based on everything we knew to be true about the universe, nothing had been discovered in the field of physics that could split this pair of ride-or-die homies apart. It brings me no pleasure to report that all of the norms are challenged in today's episode when Joey seemingly chooses Ross over Chandler in a gut-wrenching game of "Whose life would you save?" During the ride-along with Phoebe's boyfriend Gary the Cop (and after Officer Ross was kicked out of the front seat for almost blowing the undercover assignment), Joey is sitting in between Ross and Chandler in the back seat when they hear a loud noise that sounds like a shot was fired. It was actually a car backfiring but in the moment, Joey reacted by diving in Ross's direction in an apparent attempt to shield Ross from the bullet. Being that Chandler is Joey's best friend and roommate, he's understandably hurt that Joey would choose to save Ross over him. Chandler spends the next several hours moping about it until he confronts Joey back at their apartment. Viewers are left on the edge of our seats questioning whether the Chanoey bromance might actually be in jeopardy. But in a hilarious twist, when confronted by Chandler about it, Joey admits that he wasn't trying to save Ross but rather he was trying to save his sandwich which happened to be next to Ross. MY SANDWICH? Since Joey turns out to be the type of guy who's instinct is to protect a sandwich from danger and wasn't actually choosing Ross over Chandler, the Chan Man forgives and order is restored to the universe.
Switching gears, in Friends Pop Culture Watch new, Reelz aired a two-hour Friends documentary yesterday called Friends: Behind Closed Doors. I've gotta say...the documentary was really entertaining. It provided an inside look into the entire 10-year series run from an in depth review of the casting process to an insiders’ perspective into how one of the most commercially successful sitcoms of all-time navigated the challenge of pulling off a smooth landing with its universally acclaimed finale. One of the insights I picked up from the show was how after Season Two, David Schwimmer organized his co-stars to handle contract renegotiations through collective bargaining rather than capitalizing on his perceived starring role as Ross to only worry about his own salary. While I already knew that the Friends stars made a pact to always get paid equally for the duration of the show’s run, I didn’t know the specific details on it. This was a brilliant leverage play by Schwimmer. Had the costars (who were experiencing varying levels of career success outside of the show as it gained popularity in the early season) decided to negotiate contract renewals individually, it is almost certain that jealousy would've eventually crept in and prevented Friends from having the on screen chemistry and longevity that allowed it to blossom into the GOAT sitcom. Here at theLeftAhead, we are a blog site with strong ties to the Labor Movement and the principles of collective action. That being the case, I find it fascinating and inspiring that David Schwimmer had the foresight to protect the show's longterm success using the principles of collective bargaining and that he had the chops as an organizer to bring his costars together and get their buy in to operate in unity through the unbreakable bond of solidarity. Bravo, D-Schwim! Well, class...being that this Wednesday is May Day aka International Workers' Day, I think our discussion on the Friends costars collective bargaining decision is a fine place to wrap up for this week. If you haven't watched the Reelz Friends doc yet, I highly recommend you check it out. It gets the Ken Adams stamp of approval. Holler at you next week when the countdown clock to Summer Vacation 2019 reaches the two-week mark! Late.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where everyone is concerned about how Ross is going to handle Emily getting remarried, Phoebe is the smitten kitten with Gary the Cop, Chandler, Joey, and Ross ask to go on a ride-along with Gary after they find out he took Phoebe on one, Joey reacts to a car backfiring by diving on Ross during the ride-along, Chandler gets jealous because he thinks Joey chose to save Ross over him, Ross believes the car backfire is a near-death experience and promises to seize every opportunity in a newfound appreciation for life, Rachel overhears a message to Ross from Emily asking him to call her the night before her wedding, Monica tries to convince Rachel to delete the message so Ross never finds out, Joey fixes things with Chandler by letting him know that he was trying to save his sandwich not Ross when the car backfired, and Rachel tells Ross about Emily’s message but convinces him not to seize the opportunity to call her back by having him agree that escaping Emily on the same day he escaped death makes it Close Call Day.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is hanging out at Central Perk when Phoebe arrives with her boyfriend, Officer Gary. Phoebe says "hey" to greet everyone. Gary follows suit with "hello." Monica, speaking on behalf of the gang, returns the greeting with her own enthusiastic "hey." Continuing the pleasantries, Gary asks the group, "How are you?" Before anyone can respond, Phoebe jumps back in by addressing Monica directly with, "Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes." Intrigued by Phoebe's reporting, Joey asks, "You got to go on a ride along?" Phoebe confirms, "Uh-huh!" With childlike enthusiasm and a hint of jealousy, Joey declares, "I want to go on a ride along!" Ross chimes in with, "Me too!" Seemingly open to the prospect, Gary responds, "Okay!" Hoping not to be left out, Chandler informs Gary, "Yeah, yeah! Me too!" Surprised by Chandler's declaration, Gary asks him, "Really? You?" Chandler timidity responds, "Yeah." Pushing him on it a little, Gary says, "Well, it's kinda dangerous." Now more defensive than timid, Chandler fires back, "Well, I like danger." Satisfied with Chandler's insistence, Gary asks all three of them, "Okay, you guys free tonight?" Joey and Ross enthusiastically respond, "Yeah!" [The Knockout] Revealing his true colors when it comes to bravery, Chandler goes into self deprecation preservation with, “Tonight? You-you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime.”
Featured Image Source: Recap Guide
Headline GIF Source: Tenor
Order and Law
Season 5, Episode 19
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Knockout] Chandler pauses and not having anything to lose with Joey's non-English speaking Grandmother, drops the hammer with, "So, you're old and small." [The Setup] The gang is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's apartment watching the episode of Law & Order that Joey is supposed to make an appearance in playing a criminal with his biggest fan (his grandmother who doesn't speak English). Joey has already realized that his scene was cut from the episode but doesn't have the heart to tell his grandmother and is trying to figure out what to do. Meanwhile, Chandler and Monica have been arguing about flirting with other people. Sitting next to Monica on the couch, Chandler is clearly stewing about the flirting issue. He asks her, "So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?" Monica responds, "Yeah, it's good." Having properly set her up for his condemnation, Chandler loads up the snark by telling her, "See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!" Monica protests, "Chandler!" Joey and his grandmother immediately shush her for being too loud while they're trying to watch the show and wave her and Chandler away. They get up and go in the kitchen and once they're away from the television watchers, Monica continues, "Okay, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to flirt, but not for me." Chandler responds, "Oh, I'm so glad we cleared that up. Look, I'm sorry, some things are different for men and for women." Monica sarcastically encourages him to keep digging his own grave, instructing, "Go on, teach me something about men and women." Impervious to her sarcasm, Chandler goes for broke, saying, "Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, 'I'm just flirting, no big deal.' But the guy is thinking, 'Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!'" Skeptical, Monica reacts with, "No way!" Convinced of his own wisdom, Chandler reaffirms, "It's true." Monica responds, "Well that's pathetic!" Showing a little compassion, Chandler agrees, "Again true." Monica asks, "And this goes for all guys?" Chandler answers, "All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way." At this point their conversation is interrupted by Joey coming into the kitchen to talk to Ross. Joey informs him, "All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!" Ross checks his watch and responds, "Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like ten minutes left!" Starting to panic, Joey blabs, "I know, I know! What am I going to do?" He pauses for a moment to think and then says "Ooh" to indicate that he's come up with an idea. Overhearing this and reading Joey's mind, Monica informs him, "No! You are not gonna run out and leave her here!" Dejected that his idea has been squashed, Joey passively agrees, "Yeah, all right." He then pauses again to think and then says "Ooh" again before darting out of the apartment. Joey's grandmother notices him leaving and yells from the living room, "Joey!" Chandler runs interference by going up to Joey's grandmother and saying, "Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back!" He gestures as he's speaking in an attempt to overcome the language barrier. He then continues, "Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey haphazardly records himself kidnapping the duck in his apartment in order to fool his grandmother into thinking it was his appearance on Order and Law, Rachel takes pity on Ross's inability to flirt and gets Caitlin's phone number for Ross, Phoebe is fascinated by Ross's 'adding smell to gas' flirting and asks him what else they add smell to, Monica isn't mad about Chandler flirting because she flirts with guys all of the time, Ross has a crush on Caitlin so he rats Chandler out to Monica for flirting with her and then orders extra pizzas to get her number with his own flirting but ends up flirting with her about how gas smells, Chandler flirts with "the hot pizza delivery girl" Caitlin, and Joey invites his Grandmother over to Monica and Rachel's apartment to watch his appearance on Law & Order.
In the flirting disagreement between Chandler and Monica, I’m conflicted on whose right and whose wrong. On the one hand, it’s completely unreasonable of Chandler to believe that it’s okay for him to flirt but not for Monica. After almost 11 years of marriage, I’ve been through enough fights to know that double-standards are not healthy or productive. On the other hand, Chandler’s not wrong about how completely pathetic the inner-workings of your typical heterosexual male’s mind is. It brings me no pleasure to confirm that what he’s saying is true. Anytime a woman flirts with a heterosexual male, like clockwork the thought, “Hmm, maybe she wants to sleep with me,” pops into his head. Don’t panic, heterosexual female readers. I promise you there are plenty of stand up guys out there who, if they are in a committed monogamous relationship, would never act upon the thought (I'm including myself among these stand up guys) but unfortunately, even for the best of us, the thought does indeed enter our minds. So when Chandler tells Monica that even though she thinks it's innocent and doesn't mean anything when she flirts with guys, he's right about the fact that the guy on the receiving end of Monica's flirting is thinking, "cool, I think she might want to sleep with me." In the end, though, I still think Chandler's double-standard that he should be allowed to flirt and Monica shouldn't is unreasonable. Just because the guys that Monica is innocently flirting with are thinking about the prospects of sex and the women that Chandler are flirting with may be less inclined to have the same thoughts, it's still a double-standard that is unfair to Monica. Regardless of what the other party is thinking, if Chandler and Monica are in a committed relationship, they are equally in control of both their own actions and their ability to trust the other. Therefore, the only fair agreement to come to is to either agree that they're both allowed to flirt or they are both not allowed to flirt. Ultimately, having a double-standard is unhealthy for the relationship. Well class, now that I've settled Monica and Chandler's disagreement and used it to pass along important and wise relationship advice, I think my work here is done for today. Hope you all have an awesome week and I'll catch up with you next Monday...same smelly cat time, same smelly cat channel. Late.Howdy, Big FRIENDly Giants. Hope everyone who celebrates it had a great Easter Sunday, yesterday! Mine was nice and relaxing, thanks for asking. Notice anything different today? You're probably wondering why all of the sections of the post are in reverse order. Well, if it's answers you seek, check the title. Order and Law, class, Order and Law. Given the title, I thought it would be fun to throw a little Missy Elliot into the mix and take today's post, flip it and reverse it. Consider this our homage to the Seinfeld Backwards Episode. Remember that one? It is one of my all-time favorite Seinfeld episodes. My guy George Constanza was in rare form during that episode. "You can stuff your sorries in a sack, Mister." I thought the conception of an episode that travels backwards through time was brilliant. I loved the way that things that don't make any sense as you're watching it are later explained by the preceding events that follow. Well done, Seinfeld writers' room. Enough about Seinfeld, though. This is still a Friends blog series, after all. So without further delay, let's get into today's episode. And for that, class, by now you hopefully know what to do. LOOK UP ⬆️⬆️⬆️ - Friends S5:E19
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Mmm, Noodle Soup
Season 5, Episode 18
Friends S5:E18 - Good afternoon, Friendsters. Please take your seats so we can begin. How's everyone doing today? Between you and me, I personally have a pretty severe case of The Mondays. I mean, can you blame me? Two Mondays ago, I was on the southeastern coast of Italy having the time of my life in Polignano a Mare eating seafood pasta, drinking wine, and soaking in the true, magical blue of the Adriatic Sea. Last Monday, after fighting off the extreme jet lag of a Saturday afternoon arrival in Denver from London and a Sunday morning arrival in Minneapolis from Denver, I got sick traveling back home to Denver from Minneapolis. Now, one week later, I'm still jet lagged and under the weather and I'm also feeling blue about Europe being past tense rather than present tense. Trust me, the happiness hangover that comes with no longer being on a magical vacation combined with international jet lag and a cold is not a fun combination. That being the case and because I don't want to spread my germs to the class, I'm making the executive decision to make this a MAIL-IN SPECIAL. I know, I know. In January, I made a big deal about my 2019 New Year's resolution being to have fewer mail-in specials this year than ever before. Since then, I've played the M-I.S. card multiple times. I still plan to follow through on my resolution but can you cut me a break today? I have my reasons for playing the card today. I've stated them. And yes, they are threefold. You want me to at least say something about today's episode? Okay, no problem. Being that I'm sick, I've been eating a lot of noodle soup this week. Mmm, noodle soup. There. Consider this episode thoroughly dissected. So are we good? Cool, we're good. Alright then, y'all. That's if for today. If you need me, I'll be at Chotchkie's getting some coffee and looking through my photos of Europe. Did I mention how blue the water is in the Adriatic Sea? You don't have to take my word for it, see for yourself. Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey crashes little Ben's soup commercial audition in hopes of landing his own audition to play Ben's father in the commercial, Rachel starts smoking in order to not be left out when her boss and co-worker go outside to smoke, Chandler (a former smoker) encourages Rachel to stick with her new filthy habit and cheers on her decision to risk her health in pursuit of her career, Monica and Phoebe decide to co-host Rachel's surprise birthday party but (having already planned everything else) Monica puts Phoebe in charge of cups and ice, Phoebe turns lemons into lemonade by turning cups into a banner, a chandelier, and fun party hats and by providing an eclectic array of ice options including crushed, cubed, dry, and snow cones, Ross gets annoyed when Joey asks him to have Ben bow out of the soup commercial because they can't both be in it after Joey is paired with Raymond and Ben is paired with Kyle for the final audition, and Joey blows the final audition when he repeatedly screws up his line by saying, "Mmm, noodle soup."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler and Ross are hanging out at Chandler and Joey's apartment when Phoebe comes in carrying two giant garbage bags stuffed to the brim. Phoebe cheerfully greets them, saying, "Hey." Chandler and Ross simultaneously return Phoebe's greeting, saying, "Hi." Motioning to her two enormous and stuffed garbage bags, Phoebe asks, "Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party?" Chandler responds, "Ah sure." He then asks, "What's in 'em?" Phoebe answers, "Umm, cups." [The Knockout] Down three with the bases loaded, Chandler swings for the proverbial "quip" fences, responding, “Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water.”
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Hot Girl Parallel Universe
Season 5, Episode 17
Friends S5:E17 - Bonjour, gentil mesdammes et messieurs. I’m happy to be blogging to you live and direct from a little continent known to mes amis en France as L’Europe! I’m currently writing to you aboard a train from Paris to München ? (Munich back stateside) and I’m quite thrilled to be making Friends 20/20 history with my first-ever column written and posted from overseas. As I predicted last time, my creative juices are on 11 today having spent yesterday with my wife taking in Musée du Louvre, Tour Eiffel, et les sites de Paris via pedicab. (Speaking of the Louvre, later in the series we’ll be introduced to a Friends character named Mona but take my word for it, the Mona I met yesterday puts “Friends Mona” to shame. But I digress.) Our perfect Parisian day was capped off beautifully with a visit to Bar Hemingway where I drank Hemingway’s Whiskey and soaked in the ambiance of drinking in a bar dedicated to one of my favorite authors in the city he romanticized. Tout-de-le-fruit...yesterday was spectacular frenching it up in Paris. An intense encounter with the Yellow Vest protest on Saturday aside, our time in Paris was flat out remarquable. By the way. It wasn’t too shabby last week either knocking around in London and Liverpool. I’d love to tell you more about my European experience but there’s simply too much to tell that if I did, we’d risk having the critics start complaining that I’m derailing Friends 20/20 into a travel blog. Plus, I want to put these “peak level” creative juices to good use by moving right into my break down of this week’s episode so I can edit and post this before my train arrives in München in approximately three hours. Shall we then?I simply adore the “Joey can’t find the hot girl” storyline. Watching him repeatedly count the windows and floors in Ross’s apartment building (so he can meet hot girl) only to somehow always end up at Ross’s apartment is like a delicious comedic croissant that’s been buttered in laugh-our-loud hilarity. Could a line be any more epic than, “I can’t believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.” When Monica eventually helps him figure out exactly where to go, the fact that Ross answers the door at Jen’s (hot girl’s) apartment when Joey knocks (leading Joey to believe he’s miscounted again) is the Michelin star-worthy scrumptious macaron (or cherry on top, if you will) to the fantastically executed menu of a storyline that the Friends writers have served up in this episode in order to quell our veracious appetite for laughter. Hear, hear. Compliments to the chef. My other observation today is to ask why, oh why did Mr. Zelner hire Rachel after she embarrassed herself in a way that only Rachel can? She was in total meltdown-mode trying to salvage her Ralph Lauren job prospects after accidentally kissing Zelner while being escorted out of his office from the initial interview. Was Rachel qualified? Sure. Did she demonstrate the potential to work hard and excel at the job? Absolutely. Should he have hired her? Hells to the nah. Watching her try to recover during her second attempt to salvage the “accidental” kiss was like watching a train wreck. (Wait a minute. What am I saying? I'm currently ON A TRAIN. [Please pause for a brief interruption while I KNOCK ON WOOD.]) While, of course, we are rooting for Rachel’s success, let’s be honest, Zelner should have taken her meltdown as an indication of potential headaches to come and steered a hundred miles away from hiring Rachel Karen Green. Spoiler Alert: having not seized said opportunity, Zelner deserves everything he has coming his way for the next five years. On that note, Meine Damen und Herren, it is time for me to Lebewohl sagen. I can already taste the massive glass of bier I have coming my way tomorrow at the Hafbräuhaus München. Thanks for taking part in my European adventures. I’ll holler at ya when I’m back in Amerika.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey attempts to meet a hot girl in Ross’s building across the street that he's been flirting with from the window at Monica and Rachel’s apartment, Ross meets the same hot girl first and decides to ask her out after she agrees it was unfair of the other tenants to ask him to chip in for Howard the Handyman’s retirement after he had just moved in, Rachel accidentally kisses her interviewer while seeking a new job at Ralph Lauren, Phoebe is hot and heavy with Gary the Cop, Monica is jealous that Phoebe and Gary are in the new relationship “can’t keep your hands off each other” phase and enlists Chandler to have sex repeatedly to compete with Pheebs and her Gare Bear, Chandler briefly becomes the Relationship King when he convinces Monica that the phase that they’re in in their relationship is more exciting than the “hot and heavy” phase, and Joey nearly loses his mind when he’s unsuccessful at unlocking the Hot Girl Parallel Universe.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is in a restaurant’s restroom while having dinner with Monica, Phoebe, and Gary. He's enjoying looking in the mirror while flashing the police badge Gary gave him. Monica sneaks in and seductively says, “Hi Chandler.” Caught off guard, Chandler responds, “Monica! This is the Men's room! Isn't it?” Undeterred, Monica answers, “Yes it is. You see I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you?” Chandler defensively replies, “no” and then elaborates, “and if I did, I don't think we'd be going out. Monica, this is getting ridiculous!” Monica pleads, “Come on, we can't let them win!” Exasperated, Chandler argues, “Ugh, we have already proved that we are hot!” He follows up by asking, “Okay? So why-why are you getting so obsessed about this thing?” Providing insight, Monica informs him, “Because Phoebe and Gary are in that-can't-keep-their-hands-off-each-other-doing-it-in-the-park phase!” Not getting it, Chandler asks, “So?” Monica continues, “I feel really sad that we're not...really there anymore.” Making the connection, Chandler asks, “Oh wow! Is that what this all have been about?” Monica continues, “Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were ya know all over each other all the time?” Chandler agrees, “Yeah that was great. That was really great!” He then suggests, “But to tell you the truth, I'm more excited about where we are right now.” Sceptical, Monica asks, “Really?” Chandler elaborates, “Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Ya know to get past the beginning and still want to be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting.” He leans in and kisses her. Monica responds, “That is so sweet. I know that I was acting a little crazy but umm, I feel the same way.” Seeking confirmation, Chandler asks, “Yeah?” Granting it, Monica answers, “Yeah.” They then hug it out. After the hug, Chandler excitedly says, “Ya know what I just realized? You just freaked out about our relationship.” Becoming defensive, Monica insists, “Did not.” Chandler insistently continues, “Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!” Relenting, Monica agrees, “Okay, I freaked out a little. Pushing further, Chandler continues, “Little? You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up!” He foolishly decides to do the gloating dance that Monica hates. [The Knockout] Realizing his mistake, Chandler digs into his self-deprecating arsenal with, “And now we're back.”
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Pivot!
Season 5, Episode 16
Friends S5:E16 - Heyo, heyo, it's off to Perk we go. What is good loyal readers? Welcome, welcome, welcome to the last post before the first Friends 20/20 post written in Europe. That's right. If you remember our discussion last week, you might recall me reporting that exactly two weeks from tomorrow...I'll be leaving on a jet plane for London, Baby! (And if #Brexit is a disaster on March 29th - the day my wife and I fly from Rome to London, I don't know when I'll be back again.) That's right, girls and boys...our little experiment of blogging every FRIENDS episode on the 20th anniversary of its airing just got interesting. Uncle Kenny will be taking the challenge to another level while my wife and I take a few weeks to explore the other side of the pond. As I reported last week, luckily there will only be one episode to blog from Europe (March 18th) and I know I'm up for the challenge. After all, if I'm already this fired up, I know I'll be operating on pure adrenaline during the trip. I have complete confidence that Europe won't be the downfall of our experiment. If anything, writing a Friends 20/20 post on a train between Paris and Munich will easier than writing one in theLeftAhead office while enduring the monotony of my everyday routine. I can only imagine the creative energy that will be flowing from my fingertips as I type our next post the day after going to the Louvre. Damn, the Louvre. Could this European tour be any sweeter? With stops in London, Paris, Munich, Venice, Naples, Bari, and Rome, I'm so excited...I simply can't wait to get in my map! So without further adieu, what do you say we get today's episode analyzed and recapped so I can post it and then PIVOT into International Man of Mystery-mode? Can you tell that I'm ready to get my Austin Powers on? All of this talk about Europe has got me like...I've got my mojo back, baby, oh behave.
Well class, we have another classic David Schwimmer's Ross Geller performance to digest this week. This time our hero finds himself in need of a new couch. He enlists Rachel on his couch buying quest and in classic Ross fashion he a) embarrasses himself by accidentally insinuating to the salesperson that he wants to use the couch to seduce kids, b) embarrasses Rachel by informing the salesperson (when homie doesn't believe that Ross used to date Rachel) that he and Rachel had sex 298 times ("YOU KEPT COUNT?"), c) is too cheap to pay the delivery charge. Classic Ross Example C results in the ridiculous hilarity that is the PIVOT incident. Needless to say if you've never seen the episode but are aware of the Rossatron in all of his magnificent goofiness, Ross frantically instructing his friends to pivot during the lifting of his new couch up a flight of stairs did not result in him enjoying his new couch (with the ladies) in his living room but instead resulted in the couch getting destroyed and him settling for four dollars store credit in exchange for a couch that was "cut in half." Well, I was already in a good mood but thanks to Ross, I'm floating on Cloud Nine. Mr. (err... I mean, Dr.) Geller, you've officially made my day, my week, probably even my fortnight. Thanks to you, I'll be laughing all the way to the bank. But only if they have a bank at the airport. That's it for now, class. I'll holler at you in a few weeks from France. Or maybe Germany. I bid you adieu.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross buys a new couch that is kid friendly but also says "come here to me," Phoebe impersonates a police officer, Joey thinks he needs to move out of his and Chandler's apartment after having a romantic dream about Monica, Chandler gets excited that Joey had a dream about a girl he is seeing, Monica convinces Joey that he's not in love with her but instead just wants "the closeness" with someone himself, Rachel tries to help Ross move his couch three blocks from the store so Ross can avoid paying the delivery fee, and Ross ultimately returns the couch for $4.00 store credit after it gets destroyed because Rachel (and Chandler) were unable to follow his instructions to pivot!
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross is waiting in the stairwell of his apartment building for Rachel to bring someone to help them get his new couch up the stairs. As he's killing time, Ross is fantasizing about having a woman over and asking her to join him on the couch. He mimics a future encounter by gesturing someone over to sit on the couch next to him while saying, "Come here to me. No-no, you come here to me." Rachel arrives and says, "Hey Ross! I brought reinforcements." Not knowing who is following her yet, Ross responds, "Oh great! What, you brought Joey?" Rachel answers, "Well, I brought the next best thing." Chandler enters and says, "Hey!" Without even attempting to hide his disappointment, Ross says, "Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would be Monica!" Surprisingly not upset, Chandler explains his lack of anger suggesting, "Ya know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so..." Not willing to waste any time, Ross cuts Chandler off and instructs his friends, "Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. Okay Rach (Ross points to the drawing) that's you. That's the couch." Intrigued by another part of the sketch, Rachel interrupts by asking, "Whoa-oh, what's-what's that?" Ross answers impatiently, "Oh, that's me." Taken aback, Rachel opines, "Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself." Realizing what she's thinking, Ross clarifies, "No! That's-that's my arm!" [The Knockout] Taking a moment to inspect the sketch, Chandler sides with Rachel and demonstrates his allegiance by planting the flag, "Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch."
Mr. Bigot
Season 5, Episode 12
Friends S5:E12 - Greetings, Friendinistas. I hope Week 105 of The Resistance finds you well. Given that we are reconvening as an indisputably unnecessary government shutdown is beleaguering our country, I hope you're having a resilient MLK Day. We reflect on Dr. King's legacy today while we simultaneously struggle to overcome the racism and fear mongering behind the manufactured crisis that has resulted in millions of federal employees struggling to make ends meet after weeks of not getting paid. The moment we are in is an important reminder that part of the hard work of realizing King's inspirational vision that "the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice" means figuring out how to bend the arc around walls. The challenges we face from the presidency of Donald Trump (aka Mr. Bigot) are numerous and fierce. Hopefully the magnificent legacy and example provided to us by leaders such as Dr. King coupled with opportunities for reflection on days such as today help to replenish our moral reservoir and rekindle the vital hope that we will come out the other side of this thing a stronger and more just society. Keep fighting the good fight, sister and brothers. If we remain diligent in our resistance, King's words will once again prove prophetic. In 92 weeks (on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020) we have the opportunity to ensure that the moral arc will bend towards justice once again. If we're successful, the racists, the misogynists, the xenophobes, etc. who have been empowered by Donald Trump (aka Mr. Bigot) will be forced to admit on Wednesday, January 20th, 2021, "the sun has set on our day in the sun."
* * *
Okay, class. Sorry to shift gears on you. After the important conversation we just wrapped up, I know this is going to seem trivial by comparison, but as you all know...your New Year's Resolution homework assignment is due today. (You didn't really think I'd forget, did you Johnny?) If you remember, you are all expected to report on what your New Year's resolution is and whether you have been successful in keeping it for the first three weeks of the year. As an added bonus, the student with the best presentation will receive a Nutter Butter as a prize. I, of course, will serve in the Joey Tribbiani role as judge of this here competition. So without further ado, let the competition begin and the presentations commence. [Long pause for presentations] [A handsome man walks to the front of the classroom] Well done, class! Those were some lofty and noble New Year's resolutions you just presented on. I'm really excited to hear that almost half of the class has kept their resolutions for the past three weeks and is still on track to achieve your goals. While almost all of you will be receiving an A on this assignment (sorry Johnny, I don't find your resolution of making Mr. Adams life a living hell a resolution worthy of an A), there can only be one winner. [Drum roll]. Congratulations, Susie. Your resolution of fostering an abandoned duck and keeping it as your pet (Joey and Chandler-style) for the entire year was both inspiring and admirable. You receive extra credit for how you drew inspiration from the Friends 20/20 textbook and applied it to your real life. Bravo, Susie. It probably goes without saying, but, "the duck gets the Nutter Butter!" The shameless integration of a quote from today's episode into the fictional classroom this blog series has cultivated into has been brought to you by Ichiban. (Ichiban: lipstick for men.) That's it for today, class. Keep up with your resolutions and keep on resisting. Solidarity forever ✊
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica discovers Chandler's super-phony work laugh after she and Chandler start hanging out with Chandler's boss and his wife so they don't have to hide their relationship and can be a "real couple," Ross is so depressed after he finds out Emily is getting re-married that he hooks up with Janice (Chandler's annoying ex-girlfriend), Chandler becomes worried when Ross tells him the rules about dating your friends' ex-girlfriends or sisters and, in order to minimize the damage when Ross inevitably finds out about him and Monica, pretends to be angry and then forgive Ross for hooking up with Janice, Joey acknowledges to Rachel that he doesn't know very much about the nature of Monica and Chandler's relationship, Phoebe loses a chick and duck "Nutter Butter" race when Joey is both her competitor and the race's judge, Rachel presses Monica but can't get her to admit her and Chandler's relationship, and when asked by Rachel about a phone conversation she overheard...Monica claims Chandler's nickname is Mr. Bigot.
Gandalf Gaffes - Today we have pretty straight forward Double G to add to the board. When Monica and Chandler are in Chandler's room discussing their struggles in continuing to hide their relationship from their friends, Monica expressed remorse about lying to Rachel. During the discussion, she makes an interesting claim to Chandler. She suggests a long, uninterrupted closeness to Rachel when she tells Chandler, "Ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything to." Hmm, that's weird. Last time I checked, it was established in The Pilot that Monica and Rachel drifted apart after high school and weren't in regular contact by the time the show began. I mean, Monica wasn't even invited to Rachel's wedding to Barry and found out about it second hand. That's a far cry from Rachel being "the one person I told everything to." Monica's blatant disregard for her and Rachel's "distant" period when discussing their relationship with Chandler is a noteworthy gaffe but not too egregious so I'm ruling it a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #26: During an intimate conversation with Chandler discussing how difficult it's become to hide their relationship from their friends, Monica expresses remorse over lying to Rachel and claims that since high school, Rachel is the one person she told everything to. However, The Pilot established that Monica and Rachel grew distant after high school to the point where Monica wasn't even invited to Rachel's wedding to Barry and had to find out about it second hand.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler have just returned to Monica and Rachel's apartment after playing tennis with Chandler's boss and his wife. Monica is upset with Chandler for sucking up to his boss and barks at him, "I can't believe you let them win!" Chandler removes a busted tennis racket from his bag and sarcastically responds, "Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it." Monica defends her actions saying, "I was frustrated." Chandler bemoans, "It was my racquet." Not backing down, Monica fires back, "I was frustrated with you!" Now on the defensive, Chandler moves the conversation along by pointing out, "If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invited us to dinner tomorrow night." Unable to hold back, Monica berates Chandler with, "Ya know what really bothers me? Is—it's how-how different you act around them! I mean, ya know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the 'I'll see you around, Bing!' 'Not if I see you first, Doug!' (Monica mocks Chandler's fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up. [The Knockout] Not knowing what else to do, Chandler decides to go nuclear, responding, "Okay ya know what? Because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight."
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More Turkey, Mr. Chandler?
Season 5, Episode 8
Friends S5:E8 - Turkey for you. Turkey for me. I like to eat turkey with my friend Phoebe. Hey there, Friendsters. The holiday season is upon us, hmm? Glad to be back with you on this fine Thanksgiving Eve Eve Eve. Despite the Double G-extravaganza that we'll be discussing later, today's episode aka The One with All the Thanksgivings is one of the funniest episodes to date. It's got everything. Phoebe at war, Ross and Chandler's oft-forgotten guest-starring roles on Miami Vice, and who could forget the living testament of awesomeness that is Turkey-Head Monica. There is so much going on in this episode that we're unquestionably headed towards one of the lengthier breakdowns that we've encounter on our journey thus far. For that reason, and also because I know many of us our trying to get all caught up on work before the long holiday weekend, I am officially declaring Thanksgiving Eve Eve Eve as a Mail-In Special holiday. So, after you finish writing those reports and sending those emails, why don't you go ahead and put on a warm fire in the fireplace, ease on in to a comfy chair, and curl up with our sweet yet savory Recap in the Key of Phoebe. Happy Holidays to you and yours. It's almost turkey time. I'll catch up with you in December.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler claims to be the "King of Bad Thanksgivings" so the gang reminisces about unfortunate Thanksgiving memories from their past including Joey getting a turkey stuck on his head in 1992, Phoebe getting her arm blown off in past lives in both 1882 and 1915, Ross hitting on Rachel in 1987 but then having a new girlfriend named Carol in 1988, Rachel getting a nose job sometime before Thanksgiving 1988, Monica getting upset that Chandler called her fat in 1987 and then (after losing weight) trying to seduce Chandler in order to humiliate him in 1988, and Chandler having part of his pinky toe severed in 1988 when Monica accidentally drops a knife on his foot while trying to seduce him which rivals his worst Thanksgiving memory ever...the one of the housekeeper (his dad's lover) asking, "More Turkey, Mr. Chandler?"
Gandalf Gaffes - Gather round the table, girls and boys. We have a heaping serving of Double Gs to be thankful for this week courtesy of the GOAT sitcom's infamous Thanksgiving flashback episode. That's right, kiddos. We have continuity issues galore that we'll be slicing up and the handing out like pumpkin pie with whip cream on top. So grab a plate and step right up. Our first tasty dish comes to us courtesy of one of the most infamous pairs of roommates in television history: Chandler Bing and Joey Tribbiani. Move over, Bert and Ernie because we're flashing back to the time that JT played an epic prank on the Chan Chan Man during Thanksgiving 1992. That's right, we're getting a first-hand look at the time Joey put a turkey on his head to scare Chan...hold up. Did I just say Thanksgiving 1992? Funny, I did say that. And the reason this is funny is that we've previously established that Joey first moves in with Chandler in 1993. Ironically, this was previously established in another flashback episode, aptly named The One with the Flashback (S3:E6). So, unless Joey started hanging out with Doc Brown and Marty McFly at some point and borrowed their time machine, it is impossible that Joey would've been pranking Chandler during Thanksgiving 1992. Nice try, FRIENDS writer's room. You're going to need to feed us a lot more turkey to get the necessary tryptophan to catch us sleeping on that blatant of a Double G. Since we all know that Joey wouldn't use a time machine to go back in time and prank Chandler, he would use it to go back in time to eat the very first ever meatball sub, I'm ruling this a level three infraction. Moving right along into our second scrumptious piece of Gaffe pie, we're now flashing back to the (count 'em) third iteration of how Rachel and Chandler first met. The time? Thanksgiving 1987. The place? Jack and Judy Geller's house. According to this lovely flashback, Ross brings his college roommate Chandler home to spend Thanksgiving 1987 with his family. Rachel is over at the Geller's house hanging out with Monica when Ross and Chandler arrive. During introductions, Rachel and Chandler meet for the first time. This is all well and good except for one teensy tiny problem. It was established from the jump (and when I say jump, I mean the Pilot) that Rachel and Chandler first met at Central Perk after Rachel ran out on her wedding to Barry. As we all know, class, the facts that were established in the pilot are the closest thing to Natural Law that we have in our humble little blog series. Therefore, Rachel meeting Chandler in 1987 is a continuity error that cannot be allowed to stand. As I alluded to earlier, this is not the first time that the Friends writer's room has tried to pull this fast one on us. In S3:E6, the other infamous flashback episode, they tried to suggest that Rachel and Chandler first met in 1993 at the bar that would eventually become Central Perk (prior to Rachel's wedding). Do they think we are gulli-bulls? Or even gulli-calves? Why not have Rachel and Chandler meet for the first time in every episode of Friends? Considering that this particular Double G is a repeat offense, it is unequivocally a level three infraction. Moving right along, I hope you kids left room for dessert. I know, I know. We're already served up two slices of Gaffe pie and you're probably already full. Tough cookie because we've got more more tasty dish to digest. This time we're flashing back to Thanksgiving 1988 and Ross is telling his family about his new girlfriend, Carol. Funny thing, though. In the pilot (our Natural Law), Ross talks about divorcing Carol after seven years of marriage. The pilot takes place in 1994. You do the math. This would mean that Ross and Carol would've gotten married in 1987. Now, I'm no math wizard but how could Carol be Ross's new girlfriend at Thanksgiving 1988 when they had already married in 1987? Spicing this dish up with more confusion, remember that earlier in this episode during the flashback to Thanksgiving 1987, Ross still had a crush on Rachel. This extra detail makes this final slice a Gaffe-explosion since it would be unlikely that Ross and Carol would meet, start dating and get married between Thanksgiving 1987 and the end of the year. Of course a Gaffe-explosion is going to result in a level three infraction. So there you have it, class. We have officially scraped the plate on our Thanksgiving-flashback-Gandalf-Gaffe-extravaganza. Time for a nap.
Gandalf Gaffe #22: Our third flashback in today's episode takes us back to Thanksgiving 1992 and shows Joey trying to scare Chandler by putting a turkey on his head. Good try. S3:E6 (also a flashback episode) establishes that Joey first met and subsequently moved in with Chandler in 1993.
Gandalf Gaffe #23: Our fourth flashback in today's episode takes us back to Thanksgiving 1987 and shows Chandler and Rachel meeting for the first time at the Geller's house for Thanksgiving. In the Pilot (S1:E1), it was clearly established, however, that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time at Central Perk in 1994 after running out on her wedding to Barry. This is a Double-Double G since Chandler and Rachel's first meeting each other was also already contradicted in S3:E6.
Gandalf Gaffe #24: Our fifth flashback in today's episode takes us back to Thanksgiving 1988 and shows Ross telling his family about his new girlfriend, Carol. In the Pilot (S1:E1), Ross and Carol get divorced in 1994 after seven years of marriage. This would mean they would have married in 1987 and almost certainly have been, at the very least, dating by Thanksgiving 1987. Remember in today's episode, Ross still had a crush on Rachel at Thanksgiving 1987 making this a super-charged Double G.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross and Chandler enter the Geller's house while visiting for Thanksgiving 1987. After walking inside the house, Ross says, "Hey!" Chandler walks in behind him sporting a Flock of Seagulls haircut. Jack (Ross and Monica's dad) looks at Chandler's haircut and says, "Oh my!" Ross proceeds to introduce Chandler to his family, saying, "Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!" Intrigued by Ross's roommate and wanting to be individually introduced, Monica prompts him by pleading, "Ross!" Turning to Chandler, Ross informs him, "Oh, this is Monica." Monica immediately jumps in, "Hi, I'm Ross's little sister." Looking her up and down and noticing how overweight Monica is, Chandler says sarcastically, "Okay." Judy (Ross and Monica's mom) jumps in, "I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry." Ross answers for Chandler by informing his mom, "Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food." Perplexed and a little frustrated, Judy responds, "Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then." Wanting to make a good impression on Chandler, Monica offers, "Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner." Chandler answers, "Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in." Monica laughs at Chandler's joke to the point that Diet Coke comes out of her nose. Embarrassed she says, "Dammit!" and runs out of the room. After Monica leaves Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and then goes over to talk to her. Ross asks Rachel, "So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Ya know since I've been away at college." Preoccupied and uninterested, Rachel responds, "Oh! No, not really." Ross continues, "Well, that's cool. So did..." Before he can finish, Rachel walks away. Ross sheepishly returns his attention to Chandler. [The Knockout] Ready to twist the knife into Ross's unrequited love angst, Chandler says, "So that's Rachel, uh? The one girl you've been writing all those songs about? You might want to re-think the lyrics of She Feels Weird Since I've Been Gone."
Featured Image Source: Dorna on Pintrest
Headline GIF Source: GIPHY
It's What Grown-Ups Do
Season 5, Episode 6
Friends S5:E6 - Greetings, Friendinistas. I hope Week 94 of The Resistance finds you well. To start, let me state the obvious. This post is going to be a ? Grade-A Mail-In Special. If you have to ask why, you probably haven't been paying close enough attention to your favorite pop culture blog series since this happened. While writing that now infamous post, we made the decision to soldier on with this project under the philosophy that part of how we #resist is by maintaining a sense of normalcy. (In other words, had theLeftAhead abandoned Friends 20/20 after Election 2016 in order to instead cover Donald Trump full-time, we would've been playing into his hands since publicity, good, bad, or otherwise, is central to his grip on power. While many, many news outlets and blog sites believe with good intention that reporting on every horrible thing he does every single day is a dutiful form of resistance, in our opinion, a much more effective form of resistance and way of diffusing Donald Trump's power is to intentionally turn attention away from the circus that is his presidency at times and instead, maintain a grip on what normalcy was prior to Trump's America.) So, yes. For us, soldiering on with Friends 20/20 was the right decision. Not foreseen at the time but a byproduct that's been a pleasant surprise is that this blog series has gotten more political since Election 2016 because (by making the decision to continue the series) we simply don't have the manpower to adequately equip theLeftAhead with the necessary amount of political content to hold Trump accountable on all of the big stuff (not speaking here about the daily minutia of reprehensible behavior but things like Charlottesville, the massive transfer of wealth to the one percent through the GOP tax bill, the siding with Putin over our own intelligence agencies, Kavanaugh, babies in cages). So, since we don't always have the manpower to cover this stuff otherwise at theLeftAhead, Friends 20/20 has become a greater political forum by default. Having said all of that (to summarize, continuing the blog series was the right decision), today is one of those days where not just me - but all of us - have something more important to be focused on than Friends 20/20. Namely, compelling people to vote. We get the elected officials we deserve. Our fellow American citizens who believe in conservatism enough to sell their souls to the devil by aligning with the values that Donald Trump represents are planning to show up at the polls tomorrow. On their side, they show up to vote because they believe that it's what grown-ups do. (Now rationalizing a reason to condone Donald Trump's behavior isn't what grown-ups do but that's a different conversation.) The good news? They are a vastly outnumbered minority. Most Americans still believe in decency, and tolerance, and holding our leaders accountable to the rule of law. Most Americans want universal health care, and want to reverse climate change for future generations, and believe in holding corporate power in check, and think our current levels of wealth and income inequality are a moral dilemma. Here's the kicker. The vast, vast majority of younger eligible voters believe these things. Our job is to make sure that the vast, vast majority of us (particularly young voters) believe that we must vote because it's what grown-ups do. If we turn the corner on our collective thinking about our civic duty (we mobilize the youth vote, outwork the other side at GOTV, and operate with the mindset that we must ALL vote because it's what grown-ups do), we might begin to reverse the erosion of our democracy and start restoring dignity in our government. We might even elect some leaders who believe in the things that most of us believe in. We get the elected officials we deserve. If we all show up tomorrow and VOTE, we might just deserve to get elected officials like this...
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Emily asks Ross to sell all of his furniture and then move out of his apartment so she won't be subjected to Rachel cooties upon moving to New York, Phoebe's birth mom gives her a fur coat made from mink as a family heirloom that disgusts her at first before she decides it looks good on her, Chandler accidentally almost makes Phoebe woke about child labor abuses in Third World countries, Rachel fogs her new neighbor Danny in the storage room and then begins developing a love/hate relationship with him, Monica unconditionally forgives Rachel for also fogging her during the Danny storage room incident, Joey can't control his emotions (because he's an actor) and tells Ross how much he hates Emily's unreasonable requests, and Ross ultimately breaks up with Emily because when one is in a relationship with a partner that is that controlling and untrusting, it's what grown-ups do.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch – Thinking that it is their last time having dinner all together (because Emily has forbidden Ross to see Rachel once she moves to New York), the gang serendipitously sees Ugly Naked Guy through the window again for the first time after a long period of not seeing him.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey, Chandler, Monica and Phoebe are at Central Perk when Ross enters holding a flyer that he wants to post inside the coffee shop. While attempting to do so, he says "hey" to there rest of the gang. Noticing what Ross is doing, Gunther approaches him and says, "Oh, Ross. Ross! You can't put up flyers in here." Caught off guard, Ross responds, "How come? Everybody else does." Gunther matter-of-factly responds, "you can't" in a way that clearly demonstrates his biased against one of Rachel's ex-boyfriends. Before Ross can protest, Monica asks, "What is that?" His attention successfully diverted, Ross turns to Monica and answers, "Oh, umm, I'm just getting rid of a couple of things." Monica looks at the flyer and observes, "This is all of your things." Putting on a brave face, Ross responds, "Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it's—Emily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Ya know, brand new." Monica counters, "So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale." Agreeing, Ross continues, "Touched. Used. Sat on. Slept on." Still hovering near the conversation, Gunther interrupts by informing Ross, "I'll take it all." Moving right past the stalker-alert implications of Gunther's offer, Joey asks Ross, "Hey, Ross, you're okay with that?" Ross answers, "Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine." Chandler follows up with, "Okay, but don't you think this is a little extreme?" Ross suggests, "After what I did? Can you blame her?" Phoebe validates Ross by offering, "Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green." Hearing this, Ross makes a b-line for the restroom. After he leaves, a frustrated Joey asks, "What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies?" Monica interjects, "Now calm down Joey." Joey does not relent, however, continuing, "No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us!" Phoebe concurs, "Oh, I hate this. Everything's changing." [The Knockout] Clearly more concerned with taking a sarcastic shot than he is about the implications of the Ross-Emily-Rachel situation, Chandler piles on, "Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence."
Video Source: Beto for Texas on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Vote.je
Headline Image Source: The Youth Vote
Me Too
Season 5, Episode 5
Friends S5:E5 - Trick or Phoebe, smell my Phoebe, give me something Phoebe to eat. If you Phoebe, I don’t Phoebe, I’ll Phoebe down your underwear! What. Is. Good, Mercedes Friends? Welcome to our fifth annual Halloween Post-Extravaganza! ? (I realize that my use of the comma there means a) I could be writing a Halloween extravaganza blog post or b) we could be celebrating Halloween after having an extravaganza.) 👻 Any who, how're ya doing on this lovely Halloween Eve-Eve? If you're in the spirit of the season like I am and, therefore, open to a fright, we have quite a scare in store for you later in the post. Before we get to that, however, it occurred to me that while we are celebrating Halloween today, funnily, our Friends 20/20 episode analysis won't be part of the celebration because our FRIENDS were not celebrating Halloween 20 years ago in the episode under discussion. The GOAT 🐐 sitcom certainly had years with Halloween-themed episodes but this does not happen to be one of them. While I might find that batty, right now in my head, I'm envisioning you - the reader - completely unimpressed by the observation in such a condescending way, you decide to respond to me in your best Chandler Bing-impression voice, snickering, "Well, ah Boohoo." Fine. Enough FRIENDS observations for today. I can tell that ever since I let the (black) cat out of the bag that there is going to be a scare in today's post, you're all fixated in anticipation. Fine, fine, fine. Without further ado, I present...
Me Too: A Donald Trump Horror Story
Chandler and Monica Bing sat down with me (Ken Adams) in their Westchester County, New York home last Thursday, October 18th, 2018, to give their first public statements and provide video documentation to theLeftAHead of then Monica Geller's "Me Too" moment.
[Ken] Monica and Chandler, thank you so much for choosing to share your story with theLeftAhead. Monica, please begin, whenever you're ready.
[Monica] Well, thanks for having us Ken. I guess I'll start by giving a little background. The year was 1998, twenty-years ago, almost to the day, in fact.
[Ken] Is that why you chose to go public with your story now? The twenty-year anniversary?
[Monica] Well, I hadn't really thought about it until just now, so no, Mr. Adams. Our reason for going public now is that Chandler and I felt that perhaps my story could help empower other survivors and also help inform voters.
[Chandler] Yeah, so anyway, as Mon was saying, it was roughly 20-years ago...
[Monica] Now, that I'm thinking about it, it was the weekend of October 23rd -25th, 1998, to be exact.
[Chandler] Nobody needed you to be that exact, but whatever...
[Monica] Nobody needed you to interrupt me but you still did that now didn't you?
[Ken] Monica, please continue.
[Monica] Anyway, as I was saying, Chandler and I were really new in our relationship and we were still hiding it from our friends so we decided to have a weekend getaway to get a break from all of the sneaking around.
[Chandler] We told our friends that we both had out-of-town work conferences. It was genius, except for one small detail. Monica decided to say her conference was in New Jersey without consulting me. Had she consulted me, she would've found out that my fake conference was already in New Jersey so it would have made more sense for her fake-conference to be somewhere else as to not arouse suspicion.
[Monica] You're doing it again.
[Chandler] What?
[Monica] Interrupting me. So, once again, as I was saying, Chandler and I went away to Atlantic City for a romantic getaway weekend and immediately started fighting.
[Ken] Why were you fighting?
[Monica] Chandler was obsessed with watching some stupid car chase from the moment we got there and when I called him out for being inconsiderate, he called me, "Mom."
[Chandler] Umm, actually...the reason we were fighting and not having fun is that you made us change rooms 17 times upon arrival.
[Monica] Whatever, Speed Racer. So, even though we were fighting, we decided to grab dinner together on Saturday and as we were walking back into the lobby of the hotel after dinner, to our great surprise, we saw Donald Trump waiting for an elevator in the lobby.
[Chandler] Kenny, as you might imagine, I'm not big on videography. Having said that, I just so happened to have a video camera on this particular occasion. It was a video camera that belonged to my roommate at the time, Joey Tribianni. He had brought it with him on a trip to London and also used it when our other friend Phoebe had her brother's triplets.
[Monica] Tell him why you, a non-viroegraphy enthusiast, had Joey's camera on our trip to New Jersey.
[Chandler] Monica and I wanted to use it in the hotel room on our weekend get-a-way for...
[Monica] Excuse me, Monica and I?
[Chandler] I wanted to use it in our hotel room that weekend to try a thing I learned in Maxim Magazine.
[Ken] I'm sorry, did you say your friend Phoebe had her brother's triplets?
[Chandler] Story for another time, Kenny. Story for another time.
[Monica] Chandler, get on with your videotape part already.
[Chandler] Sorry, Mon, TMI? Okay, anyway...as soon as we approached and I realized it was Donald Trump waiting for the elevator, I thought I could one-up Joey's footage of him and Fergie (he got her on camera on the aforementioned London trip) by getting Trump to be on camera with Monica.
[Monica] So we approached Donald Trump and Chandler asked if we could get footage of him posing for a hug with me.
[Chandler] At first he seemed approachable and amenable to our request.
[Monica] Oh, man, did that quickly change. As soon as he turned his attention from Chandler to me, something changed in his demeanor. He put a TicTac in his mouth and he moved on me. I was shocked because Chandler was standing right there. I stepped aside and quickly reported that the guy that had asked for the picture is my boyfriend. He mumbled that he didn't care and something about being a star. He had become so tunnel-visioned with his infatuation for me, he hadn't even noticed that Chandler had lifted to camera and was now filming him.
[Chandler] To my complete astonishment, in front of a lobby full of people, he approached Monica again and stuck his and out to grab her...
[Monica] Luckily, my brother once taught me some martial artists and so I used the concept of Unagi to sense what this pervert was attempting to do and to quickly react by karate chopping Donald Trump's hand away before he had successfully grabbed my private area. He was extremely agitated at my ability to defend myself and angrily screamed at me, "You're supposed to let me do this, you rotten bitch. Whatever, you're a dog anyway. If you worked for me, I'd tell you, 'You're fired.' Have a nice life regretting turning down the best thing that ever happened to you."
[Chandler] Without ever once turning back to me to notice that I was filming, Donald Trump stormed onto the elevator and his scowling, pumpkin face disappeared behind the elevator doors as they closed.
[Ken] Tell me you got the whole thing on tape.
[Chandler] Could I have gotten any more of the whole thing on tape?
[Ken] That's a yes?
[Monica] Yes, that's Chandler's dumb-ass way of saying yes.
[Ken] I've heard whispers from many other journalists over the past couple of years about the existence of an Elevator Tape. Are you telling me...?
[Chandler] Exactly Ken, my man. I shot the Elevator Tape!
[Monica] Well, I starred in it! So I win!
[Chandler] Yes, dear, as always...you win. Anyway, Kenny...see the common misconception among the journalistic rumors is that the incident took place in Trump Towers when in fact, it happened at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City before Trump was forced to declare bankruptcy there. What a loser, I mean, you've got to be pretty bad a business to bankrupt a casino. Any of my colleagues in the advertising world, you see, I'm in advertising...
[Monica] Chandler, shut up.
[Chandler] Yes, dear.
[Ken] Well, I must say, this is an incredible development one week before the midterms. And you're willing to release the tape today to theLeftAhead for us to make available to the public?
[Monica] We are, Ken. This has been a tough decision, I really value my privacy. I actually almost came forward in 2016, but when so many other women came forward after the Access Hollywood tape, I assumed that Trump's sexual misconduct would be a disqualifying for him to become President of the United States. I assumed he would lose the election without me needing to come forward and I could go on living my private life. To this day, it still boggles my mind that that disgusting, pervert won. I have had a nagging thought in my mind ever since. What kind of message does excusing Donald Trump's sexual misconduct by electing him president send to our kids? What kind of example do our children currently have in the White House? My kids, Jack and Erica, will be eligible to vote for the first time in the 2020 Presidential Election and I fear if the voters don't provide a check on his power in the midterms, there may not be a 2020 election. The stakes are too high this time. I had to come forward. I had to speak out. If our interview and our releasing of the infamous Elevator Tape helps persuade one person to vote on Tuesday, November 6th who was planning to sit the midterms out, then the sacrifice of our privacy will be worth it.
[Ken] Monica, Chandler, thank you.
[Monica] Thanks, Ken.
[Chandler] Thanks, Kenny.
Fin.
I hope you've enjoyed our horror story. The scariest part? While our Halloween tale is hyperbole, it is not really an exaggerated portrayal of the behavior of the real-life Donald Trump and the fact that this behavior was not disqualifying for him to be elected to the most distinguished position in our government is a true indictment on our society and its erosion of decency. For two years now, we've been living in the aftermath of what Thomas Friedman aptly coined our Moral 9/11 and Election 2018 is our chance to Make America Good Again. One week from Tuesday, we need to make Lady Liberty the new face of the Me Too Movement and say #TimesUp on the deal with the devil that the Republican Party made in order to be in control of our government - their choice to be complicit in Donald Trump's assault on the moral fabric of the United States of America. Help make sure that their cynical, win-at-all-costs degradation of our values will not prevail in the end. Vote for a Blue Wave of decency on November 6th.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica and Chandler go on a weekend getaway to get a break from all of their sneaking around, Rachel's family dog LaPoo dies which causes her to start getting nose bleeds, Ross (temporarily set back by Rachel's nose bleeds) finally tells her that he has promised Emily to stop seeing her in order to get Emily to come to New York, Phoebe agrees to Rachel's plot to start a new group and decides to recruit Joey for it, Joey figures out that Chandler and Monica are hooking up and then promises them he won't tell anyone else, and Monica and Chandler get in a huge fight on their weekend getaway but then Monica explains to Chandler that couples in an adult relationship can work through a fight while indicating to him that she wants to make up followed by him indicating, "me too."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are in Monica's bedroom pretending to flip Monica's mattress but really attempting to wait out an expected fight between Ross and Rachel. Chandler is listening intently out into the living room through the door. Phoebe asks him, "Can you hear anything?" Chandler sarcastically responds, "Oh yes, somebody just said, 'Can you hear anything?'” Monica looks over across the room to see Joey bending over on the other side of her bed. She asks, "Hey, Joey's ass, what are you doing?" Joey raises back up holding a box that he pulled out from under the bed and reports, "Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here." Looking through the box, Monica says, "Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles…" Before she can finish, Phoebe interjects, "Ooh, Madlibs, mine!" She proceeds to snatch up the MadLibs. Glancing in the box, Chandler asks Joey, "Condoms?" Joey defensively explains, "You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth." [The Knockout] Using his interrogation technique as if it were a sharp blade, Chandler questions, "And condoms are the way to do that?"
Featured Image Source: Pikara Magazine
Headline Image Source: HuffPost
A Selfless Good Deed
Season 5, Episode 4
Friends S5:E4 - Hey there. Fancy seeing you here. How goes it, Friendsters? Good to be with you once again on this incogitable Monday afternoon. (That's right, I went with incogitable.) We have a fine post for you today. Maybe one of our finest posts ever. (The Conan O'Brien tribute that you just participated in was proudly [but unfortunately] brought to you by the abandonment of the hour-long format on Conan ?.) For starters, today's episode features a disagreement between Phoebe and Joey and, if you haven't been previously made aware, a Phoebe v. Joey argument is about as hilarious as beef between two of the main characters can get (Chandler v. Ross and Monica v. Rachel also come to mind). Speaking specifically to the Phoebe v. Joey face-off in today's episode, I think we all know who's to blame. Thanks a lot, PBS. Because of the trauma you inflicted on poor little grieving-the-death-of-her-mom Phoebe, we all have to bare witness to Joey insisting there is no such thing as a selfless good dead and Phoebe setting out to prove him wrong. On second though, thank you, PBS, for your negligence and abuse of childhood Phoebe. Her quest in pursuit of a selfless good dead is hilarious and quite a treat for us, the viewers. The second reason why we have a fine post today and maybe our finest post ever is because we have a piping hot, delicious age-continuity Gandalf Gaffe to feast upon later in the post. As many of you know, there are few things I find more appetizing than a well-seasoned, mouth watering age continuity Double G. You can bet your bottom dollar that I'm looking forward to that section of the post. Speaking of appetizing, I part ways with you today by moving right into the third and final reason why we have a fine post today and maybe our finest ever. If you know Friends 20/20 (and I think you do), you're probably already guessed the last juicy thing that makes this post fine. That's right, we also have a juicy Friends pop culture reference to discuss this week. Can't think of what it is? Let me point you towards another one of the most famous comedy shows to air on the very same network as Friends. That network? NBC. The other famous comedy show? Saturday Night Live. That's right, you got it now. The juiciness I speak of is none other than the Friends reference Seth Meyers pop cultured on the SNL stage during his monologue Saturday night. You will find the video embedded below. And that, boys and girls, is what you call a Fine Post Trifecta. You're welcome. I'll be there for you again next week. Until then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe challenges Joey's motives for taking part in a PBS telethon, Joey (in turn) challenges Phoebe's motives for having her brother's triplets, Ross has to decide between cutting Rachel out of his life in order to stay married or keeping Rachel in his life and having to get divorced, Rachel catches Monica in a compromising seductive position in her room, Monica makes up a secret new boyfriend from work to explain away Rachel's embarrassing discovery, Chandler starts behaving obnoxiously when he finds out that Monica told Rachel her secret new boyfriend is the best sex she's ever had, and, when Phoebe feels good that her PBS contribution allowed Joey to get on television at the telethon, she is forced to concede once and for all that there is no such thing as a selfless good dead.
Gandalf Gaffes - G...G...Grab your mittens, girls and boys because it's cold outside and we have a doozy of a Double G to discuss today. As we have already started discovering previously in this section of the blog series, dealing with the FRIENDS character's ages and birthdays is one of the biggest continuity issues our dear writer's room consistently liked to serve up for us on the Gandalf Gaffe buffet. And, as we are coming to find out, Ross Geller's age and birthday is the most problematic of all six of our major characters. Today's gaffe continues to argue that case. While lamenting the choice that Emily has presented him (he stops seeing Rachel and she moves to New York or he doesn't stop seeing Rachel and they get divorced), Ross complains to Monica, Phoebe, and Chandler, "Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30." Wow, I'm not a scientist like Dr. Geller, but I'm pretty sure that the rules of the space-time continuum that apply to the rest of us also apply to Ross. I'm guessing that this event taking place before Ross turns 30 is a little...I don't no...IMPOSSIBLE. You see there is a funny thing called facts and one of them is that Ross established his age in The Pilot aka S1:E1 aka Grab a Spoon aka the very first episode of the show by complaining to Joey and Chandler, "I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!" So, despite Ross' age being established essentially from the jump, somehow, more than five years later, he still has not reached the age of 30? This is so not possible and I'm about to demonstrate why. In Friends S4:E5 aka I'm Gonna Head, Ross establishes his birthday month when he says in response to Gunther informing Rachel he's creating a list of people's birthdays, "Mine's December..." This means that two months after The Pilot, Ross turned from 26 to 27 years old which, referring back to that space-time continuum thingy, in turn means that in December 1997 Ross turned (ding ding ding ding ding...you guessed it) the big 3-0. Since today's episode takes place sometime between May 1998 and October 1998 (it's not exactly clear how many weeks after Ross's May 1997 wedding in London our story has advanced), there is no possible way that Ross could be complaining about a second divorce before the age of 30. Am I right? Or am I right? Or am I right? Since you all know how much age and birthday continuity issues really tend to stick in my craw, I'm ruling this a level three infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #21: While seeking advise from Monica, Phoebe, and Chandler on his impending decision to stop seeing Rachel and stay married or keep seeing Rachel and get divorced, Ross complains about the prospect of being twice-divorced before the age of 30. Sorry, not possible, try again. S1:E1 establishes Ross's age as 26 and S4:E5 establishes his birthday month as December so the point in the series that Ross turned 30 was December 1997 which is clearly prior to the Emily marriage situation as it is playing out in 1998.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe, Monica, Ross, and Chandler are at Monica and Rachel's apartment eating breakfast when Joey enters wearing a tuxedo. He greets everyone saying, "Hey!" Noticing what Joey is wearing, Chandler freaks out declaring, "Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!" Joey responds, "Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned." Monica begins to inquire and then thinks better of it, asking, "Vomit tux? Who vomited on—y'know what, what you up to Joe?" Joey answers excitedly, "Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!" Monica reacts, "Oh that's great!" Joey continues, "A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!" Raining on his parade, Phoebe chimes in, "Ugh, PBS!" Curious, Monica asks, "What's wrong with PBS?" Annoyed, Phoebe responds, "Ugh, what's right with them?" Dutifully following up on Monica's original questions, Joey asks her, "Why don’t you like PBS, Pheebs?" Finally compelled to give the real answer, Phoebe replies, "Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back." [The Knockout] Like Batman breaking through the glass ceiling and parachuting down to confront the Joker, Chandler from out-of-nowhere defends PBS, arguing, " Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Official Miss Val
Headline GIF Source: Recap Guide
What About Gunther?
Season 5, Episode 2
Friends S5:E2 - It has been four long, hard years since she first walked into my life. Sure, when that happened she was a hot mess - drenched and wearing a wedding dress that she clearly didn't need to be wearing. Everyone else here in the coffee shop probably thought she looked crazy. But not me. I didn't care. She was an angel, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. Four long, excruciating years. Of course it was the biggest break of my life when she decided to come waitress here at Central Perk. But as amazing as it was to have her close by for eight hours a day, five days a week...it was also torture. It was like finding out there is a store that exclusively sells pink, purple, and yellow shirts only to discover when you try to shop there that not a single item in the store comes in your size. I mean, if she wasn't dating that Italian Fabio bozo then she was doing the "getting back together" thing with that tool Barry. But worst of all by far? That stupid, stupid doofus, Ross. God, I hate him. I could just smack the crunchy hair right off of his head. How on earth did she ever find HIM sexy? He's such a dweeb. I mean, he's not even close to being in the same league as me. I was Bryce on All My Children for Christ's sake. He plays with Dinosaurs for a living. DINOSAURS. Seriously, Geller? When the third grade teacher asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, you do know you weren't legally obligated to follow through, right? And of course, while dating him, Ross convinced Rachel to quit her job at Central Perk. That one killed me. She was happy here and he just couldn't leave well enough alone. We could've worked together here for the next 40 years, but nooooooo...after getting involved with Ross, she got it in her head that coffee wasn't a glamorous enough career. Like fashion is better? Whatever. I will never forgive Ross for taking the 40 hours a week I spent with Rachel away from me. I mean, now that she's just a customer, she only spends about 33 hours a week hanging out at the Perk. That's seven hours a week and 28 hours a month less that I get to see my queen. Thanks a pant load, Tyrannosaurus Ross.
I still remember the day that my roommate at the time, Jasmine, told me that this moron had cheated on Rachel with Chloe from the copy shop. (YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE DUMBEST IDIOT ALIVE TO CHEAT ON THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.) I won't lie. Even though my plan didn't work out, I really, really got a lot of pleasure out of being the one to tell Rachel that Dinosaur Boy was stepping out. Oh, what was my plan? Yeah, my plan was that after I told Rachel about Ross cheating on her, she would be so distraught she would need to find comfort in the arms of a friend and former co-worker. I assumed that she would melt into my arms crying when I delivered the news and before you could say, "platinum blonde hair dye," tah-dah, we would become lovers. As you know, since we're sitting here today and I'm wearing my lament on my pink sleeve, that's not what happened. Instead, she just sulked over to a window seat and sat there in a daze until that weasel Ross came dashing into the shop asking me to lie for him. (WHAT. A. SNAKE.) Nonetheless, even though that wasn't Rachel's and my moment, at least the Rossasaurus was finally out of the picture. At that point, I thought I'd give my darling Rachel a little time to get over the trauma of being cheated on. But of course, just when I was plotting to finally ask her out, that frat bro, douchebag Mark from her fashion job got to her first. Lucky for me, that didn't last long. But after Mark, quicker than you can say "clean the cappuccino machine," (because Rachel and all of her "friends" hang out at the Perk everyday, all day), I caught wind of the rumor that Rachel was still in love with stupid Ross, even though he was engaged to some British twit named Emily. As much as I hated the idea of Rachel still being in love with my arch enemy, at least Ross was engaged to someone else. Suffice it to say, I was a BIG fan of the Ross and Emily relationship. I won't lie, at the time I was hoping that that Emily was doing the kinds of things to him in bed that would make him marry her fast and never, ever look back again to what he had with Rachel.
As you can imagine, I was really nervous last week when Phoebe told me that Rachel had flown to England to try to ruin the wedding by informing Ross she was still in love with him. When Chandler and Joey got back and told me that Rachel was in Barbados on Ross's honeymoon, I nearly had a heart attack. Luckily, later that day, Monica clarified that Rachel was there but Ross wasn't because he actually married Emily. So why, then, was Rachel in Barbados instead of Ross and Emily? She also said that Ross accidentally said Rachel's name during the service. (WHAT. A. BONEHEAD. Although, in fairness, I can't really blame him for that one. I've practiced saying my "I do's" to Rachel in the mirror several hundred times since I first met her.) At this point, I was relieved to hear that Ross followed through on marrying Emily but, at the same time, I was a little worried that that Ross / Rachel door was still slightly cracked open by the accidental name incident. At any rate, Rachel returned yesterday from her trip to Barbados and, while sitting here at the Perk, she wisely decided that she needed to move on from Ross. She FINALLY said she was ready to date someone else. HALLELUJAH! Wait, it gets better. By the grace of God, Monica got involved and asked, "What about Gunther?" Those magical words. My heart almost leaped into my throat. My moment had finally arrived. I listened intently from behind the bar as Rachel started responding, "Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda…" I SWEAR TO GOD she was about to say, "cute" when Ross's annoying sister cut her off and pointed to that male-model-looking-type dude Dave that is a frequent customer here, saying, "Oh, what about that guy over there? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time." Monica went on to convince her to go and talk to him and before you know it, she had asked Dave out on a date. I died a thousand deaths. I also marched over to that ass-munch Dave with the "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone" sign and kicked that fool to the curb, LOL. As good as that felt, it didn't make up for how close Monica had come to making my life perfect before subsequently stomping on my heat. Monica giveth and Monica taketh away. Now, once again, I am forced to wait as Rachel dates Dave (or figure out a way to sabotage her new relationship). And if that is what I must do, that is what I must do. One day Rachel will be mind. Oh yes, one day she will be mine. Four long, painstakingly horrific years. Damn the Gellers. Damn the Gellers to hell.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel admits that she thinks Gunther is cute, Phoebe is frustrated that the rest of the gang have all of these shared "insider" memories of their trip to London that she wasn't a part of because she was too pregnant to travel to Ross's wedding, Chandler pretends to have picked up a new, European farewell kiss when he accidentally kisses Monica in front of Rachel and Phoebe, Monica is elated when Rachel puts her in charge of making her decisions for her, Joey goes out in search of Boddington's - a London beer- in NYC, Ross attempts to send Emily 72 long-stemmed red roses to make up for the fact that he said Rachel's name at the wedding and then invited her on their honeymoon, and Rachel moves quickly past her attraction to Gunther to allow Monica to direct her to ask out Dave instead which in turn begs the question, "what about Gunther?"
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang has just left Monica and Rachel's apartment to go to the hospital because Phoebe's water broke. Everyone else has already gone downstairs but Monica and Chandler decide to linger behind in the hallway to get some alone time. Monica says to Chandler, "I can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!" Chandler responds, "I know, it's beautiful. Amazing." They proceed to kiss in celebration of the exciting moment. After the kiss, Chandler offers, "Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room." [The Knockout] Continuing with a gleam in his eye like he's just discovered evidence of life on another planet, Chandler proposes, "I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex."
Featured Image Source: We Heart It
Headline Image Source: Unbelievable Facts
Erotiery
Season 4, Episode 11
Friends S4:E11 - Happy New Year, Mercedes Friends! I hope 2018 has been good to you all thus far. I can't believe we're already eight days into our fifth calendar year together. This first week of the twentieth anniversary of 1998 flew by. On the other hand, I can't believe that we're only eight days into 2018 and I'm already back to work. It kind of feels like we got shorted on our holiday break during this trip around the sun. It feels like days...not weeks ago that we were saying our goodbyes for 2017. I mean, come on...I've still got "Please tell Joey Christmas will be snowy" stuck in my head for Pete's sake. But, don't cry for me, Argentina. Working 26 days a year is tough but, alas, it had to start sometime and you, the readers, deserve a pop culture with a world-class work ethic and so I'm here (a mere eight days into the year) to deliver the goods that you need and deserve. So buckle up, girls and boys. We're 35 percent of the way through our Friends doctoral program it's time to rev this fine-tuned machine back into high gear and embark on the next semester (five percent) of our journey. All aboard! In this blog series, we leave no man, woman, child, or chef behind. Nobody is eating by themselves in the alley in our restaurant.When last we left our pals, Chandler was in a pretty good place. He had managed to have his cake and eat it too by getting to finally date Kathy without ruining his friendship with Joey. However, in today's episode it's revealed that not everything is sharp quips and Apple laptops in Chandlerland. Much like the (no spoilers) shadow of Darth Vader as Kilo Ren's grandfather looms large in the newest Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, the shadow of Joey Tribianni as Kathy's previous lover looms large for Chandler in today's storyline. He reveals to Monica, Rachel and Ross that as well as things are going for him and Kathy, he hasn't actually had sex with her yet because he's intimidated by Joey's sexual prowess and his fear of not being able to live up to it. When Monica questions whether or not Joey is actually that good in bed, Chandler reminds her, "We share a wall! So either he’s great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot." After his friends convince him to just have sex with her and then she doesn't "agree" with him as much as she did with Joey, Chandler enlists Monica's help in teaching him how to deliver maximum pleasure to a woman. In one of the most infamous and hilarious scenes of the season, Monica proceeds to teach Chandler about the seven erogenous zones and role play with him a series of moves he can make to please Kathy. The role playing leaves Monica, Rachel and Chandler all hot and bothered when Monica climaxes with the word, "SEVEN!" (See Headline GIF.) Added bonus: we discover that Rachel is into toes. Kinky.
While diving heavily into Chandler's sex life is quite entertaining, the most significant development this week is Phoebe's decision to carry Frank and Alice's child as their surrogate. While mulling over such a life-altering decision, the gang convinces Phoebe to seek advice from someone who has given birth (none of our female mainstays have yet to get pregnant) so she goes to talk to her birth mom about it. Phoebe, Sr. cautions Phoebe, Jr. against going through with it because she believes that it will be too hard for our Phoebe to give up the baby after the birth. Added bonus for elder Phebes...our Phebes coins the term EROTIERY to label her birth mom's erotic pottery. But that's neither here nor there. In the end, Phoebe decides to agree to carry Frank and Alice's child which sets up a storyline that will see its way through the rest of Season Four. So now, girls and boys, with our table set for the rest of the spring...it's time to settle in for a nice, smooth ride. Much like Tom Cochrane's life, Friends is a highway. I wanna ride it all night long. And I'll be riding for you. Because you ride for me too. It's great to be bizzack.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is asked by Frank and Alice to carry their baby to term, Ross gets Joey a job as a tour guide at his museum and then snubs him in the lunch room, Joey shows Ross the error of his ways, Chandler is nervous about sleeping with Kathy because he's scared he won't be able to perform like Joey, Monica teaches Chandler about the seven erogenous zones, Rachel reveals that she's weirdly into toes, and Phoebe brushes aside her birth mother's advice and instead agrees to carrying Frank and Alice's baby while also offering to let them have a puppy belonging to Phoebe Sr. aka The One Who Does Erotiery.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe is entering Monica and Rachel's apartment to inform the gang of important news. After exchanging "heys" she reports, "Guess what. Frank Jr., and Alice got married!" Everybody reacts with a version of "Oh my God." Phoebe continues, "And! And, they’re gonna have a baby!" Seeing no interruption from her stunned audience, she keeps going, "And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus." Ross breaks the gang's shock-provoked silence by exclaiming, "My God!" Monica follows by asking, "Are you serious?" Phoebe responds, "Yeah." Joey (being Joey) then seeks clarification by inquiring, "You’re really thinking about having sex with your brother?" Understandably weirded out, Phoebe responds, " Ewww! And Oh no! It’s—they just want me to be the surrogate. It’s her-it’s her egg and his sperm, and I’m-I’m just the oven, it’s totally their bun." Joey indicates that he's trying to follow by saying, "Huh." Moving the conversation along, Monica asks, "What did you tell them?" Phoebe answers, "Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? I’m gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give." [The Knockout] After having held his tongue thus far, Chandler takes the opportunity at this point to swoop in with, "You’re gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?"
Featured Image Source: Georg Burwick on Flickr
Headline GIF Source: SheKnows
I Wanna Quit the Gym
Season 4, Episode 4
Friends S4:E4 - Happy Monday, Friendsters! Hope everyone had a more relaxing weekend than me. Since (if you've read this blog series for any amount of time) you know that I really enjoy my down time, you can probably guess how annoyed I was when Ted James (Editor-in-chief of the blog, in other words...my boss) called theLeftAhead's entire staff into a weekend-long strategy meeting here at our central offices in Denver. Given that I typically work only one day a week, I'm sure you can imagine how hard it has been on me to have been working for not one, not two, not three, but four consecutive days. Of course, they don't pay me the small bucks for nothing, right? (Oh man, I'm probably going to pay for that comment later...no pun intended.) On second thought, maybe I won't. After all, Mr. James said in our ridiculously unnecessary meeting over the weekend that he will be preoccupied during the early part of this week trying to finish his final Black & Silver post from last season prior to the San Antonio Spurs tipping off the new season on Wednesday night. Adding to my chances of getting away with trashing my boss is the fact that Gregg Popovich (head coach of theLeftAhead's beloved Spurs) excoriated President Trump for the umpteenth time today. I'm sure Mr. James is so enthralled with adding Coach Pop's political musings to his own column, he's going to have little interest in reading mine. I guess we'll know for sure next week, when I let you know if I am writing again under official reprimand. Stay tuned.Speaking of staying tuned, for those of you who have been keeping a close eye on holding me accountable to my promises from prior posts...I'm making good tonight on a one I made in Fine By Me to kick off Season Four. While covering JAY-Z's video for Moonlight in that post, I promised to bring you more examples of Friends references in pop culture that took place during our summer hiatus. Given that today's episode is the one where Chandler wants to quit the gym, I have a perfectly fitting pop culture reference to cover tonight from the hilarious Broad City. The Friends reference, ironically, takes place in the Broad City Season Four premier and features a cameo from Shania Twain (don't call it a comeback). In the scene, Abbi and Trey are training Shania Twain when Shania asks them, "Can we stop? She continues by informing them, "I just, honestly I just want to go home and watch Friends." Hilarity ensues as the Broad City characters inform us which of the Friends characters they most identify with. We even get a Ross Geller impression from Trey! So, considering that I'm fed up for having worked four days in a row and hopefully my boss won't notice, I'm mailing in the rest of today's post but not before giving you a Broad City inspired homework assignment. The question you need to answer, class, is, "Which FRIEND R U?" I'll be eagerly awaiting your answers in two weeks on Halloween. Until then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler brings Ross to his gym as emotional support during his attempt to cancel his membership, Rachel gets upset and cries after Mr. Treeger criticizes her, Joey tries to tell Treeger off for making Rachel cry and ends up putting Monica and Rachel at risk of getting evicted, Monica demands that Joey fix things with Treeger which in turn forces Joey to become Treeger's dancing partner, Phoebe bites Rick (a massage client that she has a crush on) on the buttocks, and Ross ends up opening a joint checking account with Chandler to pay for the membership he started after Chandler had told him, "I want to quit the gym."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Monica and Rachel's apartment having breakfast, Chandler is cleaning out his old wallet, and Rachel is still upset from getting chewed out by Treeger. Joey asks Rachel, "Whoa, whoa. Treeger made you cry?" Still visibly flustered, Rachel responds, "Yes! And he said really mean things that were only partly true." Enraged, Joey informs the room, "I’m gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson." Monica interjects, " Joey, please don’t do that. I think it’s best that we just forget about it." Rachel responds to Monica as Joey reconsiders confronting Treeger, "That’s easy for you to say, you weren’t almost just killed." After hearing Rachel's response, Joey starts walking to the door saying, "All right that’s it, school is in session!" After Joey slams the door, Monica turns her attention to the contents of Chandler's old wallet and asks him, "My God! Is this a gym card?" [The Knockout] Deadpan, Chandler responds, "Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last 1200 times."
Pulling a Monica
Season 4, Episode 3
Friends S4:E3 - What it do, Friendinistas. I hope Week 38 of The Resistance finds you well. Leading our efforts this week is a progressive lion who doubles as Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson. In a hardcore resistance move straight out of the Che Guevara playbook, Tillerson called President Trump a "moron" or "f*cking moron" depending on which "fake news" source you want to believe. Despite attempts on the right to delegitimize Rex as a crazy fringe leftist, Tillerson's credentials for evaluating POTUS are solid as a rock. After all, if anyone is going to know how to identify a gasbag it's going to be the former head of Exxon Mobile. Talk about "taking on the world's toughest energy challenges." Moving right along, let me refrain from wishing you a Happy Columbus Day. After all, in enlightened places (like here Denver, CO) today is no longer Columbus Day but rather Indigenous People's Day. Imagine that. Some state and local governments have taken it upon themselves to use American ingenuity as a way to convey empathy for the pain felt by native Americans over the imperialistic genocide that's poster child (for better or worse) is Christopher Columbus. Shout out to Minnesota, Vermont, Alaska, and South Dakota (on the state level) and Berkeley, CA, Portland, OR, Salt Lake City, UT, Austin, TX, and Davenport, IA (to name a few on the local level). Yes, indeedy. The ability of state and local governments to turn a negative into a positive is (small r) republicanism at its finest. Right, Senators Graham and Cassidy? But, I digress... Happy Indigenous People's Day, everybody!
So, in case you were wondering (this is a Friends blog series after all), I actually have a few observations about today's episode. First, it probably goes without mentioning but the exchanges between Chandler and Rachel (after Chandler rekindles his fling with Rachel's boss, Joanna) are... Pure. Comedy. Gold. Could that storyline be anymore hilarious? Even though I've seen it a thousand times, I can never get enough of watching Chandler and Rachel problem solve the handcuffing predicament. Second: Is it possible that we've been misjudging Joey's intellectual aptitude since Day One? It's been diligently established over these past three plus years that Joey is not the brightest bulb in the box. While we all have come to view Joey as one of Friends' most lovable characters, one of the things we've come to love about him is his simpleminded air-headedness. Today's episode seemingly calls all of that into question when, after purchasing and reading the Encyclopedia's volume on the letter V, Joey is able to talk extensively with sophistication about numerous topics that begin with the letter V. Could a) perhaps this mean that Joey is, in actuality, not simpleminded but rather merely a slacker who never asserted himself intellectually? Or b) could Joey's newly-aquired aptitude for digesting and sharing knowledge in today's episode perhaps be a Gandalf Gaffe that needs to be scored later in the post? These are two interesting theories but in the end I determined that neither applies. To me, the most logical theory is c) that Joey, as an actor, has the keen ability to memorize vast amounts of information even without the cognitive ability to process intellectually what said information means. We have already seen evidence of this through his work as Drake Ramoray on DOOL. (Spoiler alert: There will also be a key scene later in the series that affirms the validity of this theory.) So to sum up: Joey is who we thought he was and his ability to speak extensively on V-related topics in this episode is not a gaffe but rather the byproduct of the advanced memorization ability he has developed through being an actor. Third and finally, Ross does not have a storyline in today's episode. In fact, he only has three lines in the entire episode! He appears very briefly in a flashback scene as well during the Central Perk scene near the end but he is not directly involved in any of today's storylines. I find this fascinating because it is extremely rare for one of the Friends to only appear anecdotally in an episode and not be part of a storyline. As we've previously discussed, all six of our Friends make at least an appearance in all 236 episodes of the series. However, Ross' "mail in" performance of only three lines in today's episode may in fact be the record for fewest lines of a major character in the entire series run. I think it will be well worth our while for me to continue to monitor the situation and perhaps report back on May 6th, 2024. In the meantime, it probably makes sense for you to check back every single week to make sure there are no further developments on this situation during the interim.
In closing, I don't think I need to remind anybody that last week was a rough week. During our last convening, we talked extensively about the Las Vegas Shooting along with the shocking news of Tom Petty's cardiac arrest. As of the moment that Lipper From Chipper was posted last Monday evening, Tom Petty was still with us. While no longer breaking news by any stretch of the imagination, I feel obligated to follow up on where we left things last week by reporting that we learned of Tom Petty's passing within an hour after posting that evening. I'm sure many of you (like me) are still feeling so many feelings this week over the events of last week: the Las Vegas shooting and the loss of a music icon. Unsurprisingly, these feelings were so dutifully tended to over the weekend by Saturday Night Live. SNL devoted it's cold open to consoling America by letting Jason Aldean (the artist who was on stage at the Route 91 Harvest Festival during the Las Vegas Shooting) perform Tom Petty's masterful anthem of resilience, I Won't Back Down. While I already shared the Tom Petty video for I Won't Back Down as part of last week's tribute, Jason Aldean's SNL tribute is simply magical and well-worth its own spotlight. It is included below. RIP to all of the Las Vegas Shooting casualties and RIP, Tom Petty. Late.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica (with Phoebe's help) caters an event for her mother, Phoebe pumps Monica up after the quiches she made for her mother's event get ruined, Chandler rekindles his fling with Joanna (Rachel's boss), Rachel discovers the Chan Man handcuffed in Joanna's office and makes him an offer he can't refuse, Joey learns all about anything and everything that begins with the letter V, Ross literally has not storyline, and Mrs. Geller is forced to admit she was wrong when her daughter serves her guests a delicious casserole thereby "pulling a Monica."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is handcuffed to the desk chair in Joanna's office. Lacking the ability to use his hands, he uses his nose to summon Rachel into Joanna's office over the intercom. After Rachel angrily strolls in, Chandler pleads, "Okay, here’s the situation.The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit." Ignoring all of that, Rachel reminds Chandler, "You promised you would break up with her." Chandler counters, "I did break up with her! She just took it really, really well!" Still angry, Rachel questions, "And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?" Chandler answers, "It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made it, shoot right out." Unmoved, Rachel informs him, "Ya know what Chandler? You got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them." [The Knockout] Clearly panicked, Chandler cries, " No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I can’t get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!!"
Video Source: Jason Aldean on YouTube
Featured Image Source: BuzzFeed
Headline Image Source: Recap Guide
Lipper From Chipper
Season 4, Episode 2
Friends S4:E2 - Hey there, Friends fam. Sorry for the melancholy greeting but it really can't be helped. Waking up this morning to the news of another deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history was so gut-wrenching and awful. In fact, much like Phoebe in the Headline Image we've used for today's post, all I wanted to do this morning was put my head down and pet one of my kitties. I don't know how many more of these mass shootings we, as a country, should be expected to endure. It is difficult trying to imagine the sheer terror and chaos those innocent concert goers must have experienced last night while trying to enjoy some live music in Las Vegas. It's almost beyond comprehension to think about what it would have felt like to have been caught in the middle of such carnage. My heart goes out to all of the shooting victims and my hat is off to the first responders and other concert goers who helped in the saving of lives. Also, this is EXACTLY the time to start talking about and fighting for #GunControlNow.bShame on all of us for not having the courage to pass common sense gun reform after Sandy Hook. I'm tired of politicians tweeting #PrayFor_____ after every senseless mass shooting. Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Elected Official. Prayer abdicates responsibility to do your job. Relying on it as a reflex in the aftermath of these shootings implies that they're unavoidable and it is beyond our power as citizens to make better collective choices to avoid or significantly limit them. Do not hide behind faith for absolution. We all know the science says that these tragedies are largely preventable. Therefore, your failure to act after one gives you culpability in the next. Americans, like me, who are fed with the grandstanding and political cover given to the gun lobby so it can continue making money hand over fist profiting off of the sales of weapons and magazines that have no business being sold in a civilized society are watching what you do next. We are watching and we will remember your response to the Las Vegas massacre when we go to the ballot box in 2018, 2020, and 2022. Continue standing with the NRA on the wrong side of history at your own political peril.
So, I had been planning a lot that I wanted to say about today's episode of Friends. That is, prior to digesting the latest mass shooting. After a day of heartache, it just doesn't seem to make any sense. I'm assuming that everyone reading agrees. To make matters worse (as if the shooting itself wasn't enough to absorb) we also learned today about legendary rocker Tom Petty. He was discovered in his home after experiencing a full cardiac arrest. It was first reported that the musical genius had died and therefore I (along with millions of fans around the world) spent the next several hours attempting to process his death alongside the earlier Las Vegas shooting. Later in the day, reports started trickling out that in fact, Tom Petty has not died but has, indeed, been taken off of life support. As of the time that I'm writing (Monday evening), there has not been a second report released of Tom Petty's death so, as best I can tell, he is still with us. Ironically, the only thing I have for a frame of reference for this bizarre Tom Petty death retraction is Friends S1:E8, The One Where Nana Dies Twice. I think the episodes title makes the connection fairly self-explanatory. Anyway...hang in there, Tom. Your fans are with you. In your own words, "You can stand me up against the gates of hell but I won't back down." That's all I've got tonight, class. Tomorrow will be a brighter day. Next week, a brighter week. See you then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica gets asked out by Chip Mathews (Rachel's former prom date), Rachel feels uncomfortable about Monica going on a date with Chip but ultimately gives her blessing when Mon explains that she's trying to retroactively experience what it feels like to be popular in high school, Chandler forces Joey to agree to sell his entertainment center after ripping a suit on it, Phoebe believes the spirit of her mom (Lilly) is reincarnated in Julio the cat, Ross is forced to apologize to Phoebe's mom (for doubting that her spirit is in fact living inside Julio the cat) in order to show his support for his friend Phoebe, Joey ends up getting locked inside his entertainment center (and getting he and Chandler robbed in the process) while trying to make a sale, and Monica realizes (because Chip is a loser that still hangs out with his high school buddies, still works at the movie theatre, and still live at home with his parents) that it isn't that great to get a Lipper from Chipper.
Gandalf Gaffes - This may very well go down as the tiniest gaffe in the entire 236 episode Friends series run. Nonetheless, since we have established the precedent that changes in the actor playing a character from episode to episode are considered gaffes, we have one to report from today's episode. In Friends S4:E2, The One With the Cat, Dan Gauthier plays present day Chip Mathews. However, in Friends S2:E14, The One With the Prom Video an uncredited actor (but clearly not Dan Gauthier) makes the slightest of slight appearance as Chip Mathews when Monica and Rachel are scurrying off to prom in the video in which Ross gets dressed up to take her before realizing that Chip had indeed shown up. Since the uncredited actor establishes who Chip Mathews is for our Friends universe but is clearly not Dan Gauthier, when the latter shows up to play Chip in today's episode, I'm left with no choice but to book it as a gaffe. This is a level one infraction and may very well prove to be the smallest infraction of all when all is said and done.
Gandalf Gaffe #16: The role of Chip Mathews is played in this episode by Dan Gauthier. However in Friends S2:E14, The One With the Prom Video Chip Mathews is played by an uncredited different actor.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler has come home to discover that Joey is trapped in the entertainment center and their apartment is close to empty. He frees Joey and asks, "What happened?" Joey surveys the apartment and responds, "Awww, man! He promised he wouldn’t take the chairs!" Repeating himself, Chandler asks again, "What the hell happened? How were you locked in? And where the hell is all of our stuff?" Joey begins to explain, "Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn’t think big enough to fit a grown man!" Dumbfounded, Chandler follows up, "So, you got in voluntarily?" Joey defends himself by pointing out, "I was tryin’ to make a sale!" He then continues, "Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I’m gonna do?" [The Knockout] Exasperated, Chandler sarcastically responds, "Bend over!"
Video Source: TomPettyVEVO on YouTube
Featured Image Source: love-haight cupcakes
Headline Image Source: Friends Wikia
Fine By Me
Season 4, Episode 1
Friends S4:E1 - Guess who's back? Back again. Kenny's back. Tell your FRIENDS. And it feels so good to be back. Greetings, welcome, and great to see you, Mercedes-Friends Nation! Man, it feels like we've been gone for a long time. In fact, the last time we got together was quite literally one hundred President Trump controversies ago. So, politics aside, how was your summer? As you might have suspected, mine was insane. Any of you who have followed this blog series for any amount of time know that I like to spend my off-seasons barefoot with my toes in the sand somewhere tropical. Well, knowing that, you might be able to further deduce that this summer, my affinity for tropical climates and sandy beaches came with some complications. While under normal circumstance I like to allow you to live vicariously through my braggadocios accounts of my beach adventures, given the devastation we've witnessed over these past several weeks, clearly these are not normal circumstances. Yes, I spent time this summer in some of the places that have been devastated by hurricanes and flooding but no, I was never directly in harms way. I know many, many people were. For some, their lives will never be the same. For others, it will take years to put the pieces back together. On behalf of the entire staff here at theLeftAhead, I want to extend our most heartfelt condolences to all affected by these devastating storms. To our friends and family in Texas, Florida, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and elsewhere who are doing the hard work of rebuilding, we are with you. There are many amazing efforts being made to raise funds and gather supplies to provide relief. In fact, there are too many to name but for anyone who wants to make a worthwhile hurricane disaster relief donation while or after reading this post, theLeftAhead is supporting retired San Antonio Spurs star Tim Duncan's efforts in the U.S. Virgin Islands.
With that said, our work at hand seems to be trivial but, regardless, we should and we will keep it moving. In fact, if these next few moments of me rambling on about the happenings at Phoebe's client's beach house can bring even the slightest amount of joy to even one Friends-loving hurricane victim, then I'll consider this a worthwhile endeavor. Alrighty, then. When last we left our pals, they were hanging out at the aforementioned beach house and Ross was put in the position to choose between staying with his girlfriend Bonnie or dumping her to try and rekindle his romance with Rachel. That's right, boys and girls. In other words, when last we left our pals, we were gifted the classic sitcom cliff hanger to chew on over the summer. And to the surprise of absolutely no-one, Season 4 opens by revealing to us that...duh duh duh...Ross chooses Rachel. This kicks off a comical chain of events that culminate in the phrase heard round the world: "Fine by me." These hilarious goings on will be discussed in greater detail in the latter sections of the post (we actually have two Gandalf Gaffes in today's episode) but with the remaining time I have to devote to open commentary, I want to turn to one of my favorite pastimes: highlighting Friends references in modern pop culture. As you can imagine, multiple pop culture references can begin to build up when we're off for an entire summer. This summer was no different as I already have multiple occurrences to chronicle from Summer 2017. I plan to get to all of them over the coming weeks but there was one major one that deserves our undivided attention in our "Back-To-School" post. This blockbuster pop culture Friends homage of epic proportions landed a little more than a month ago in mid-August. Ironically, the timing of us reconvening to discuss it could not be more apropos given the controversy that President Trump stirred up over the weekend. So without further clarification or commentary, here is the video for JAY-Z - Moonlight:
So, now that we've all watched the video (probably not for the first time), I pick back up without agenda. I'm more interested in making a couple of thought provoking observations to add to the depth of thought around this rather than laying out a commentary narrating to you how you should feel about the way JAY-Z posts up in such a provocative way at the intersection of race and Friends. First, regardless of the racial implications, I found this remake quite enjoyable atheistically simply because I am quite fond of the episode being remade. On a basic level, it was really cool to see different actors remaking this classic episode. Secondly, I found it interesting that in making a statement about white privilege and institutional racism (a point that I appreciate in that I happen to agree those are major issues in American society), JAY-Z chose to parody an exceptional episode of an exceptional predominantly white sitcom. In doing so his statement becomes part homage while also part criticism. If he only intended to make a critical statement, I suspect he would have been better served parodying a mediocre predominantly white sitcom. For arguments sake, let's use Friends spin-off Joey as an example. Parodying the mediocre sitcom Joey in making the point that "even when we win, we 'gon lose" would've been more effective, albeit less provocative. The fact that he parodied one of the best episodes of one of the best shows of all-time is interesting to me because it makes his statement more layered and nuanced than had he parodied white sitcom mediocrity. Returning to our example, if he had parodied Joey, I would have interpreted his commentary as indisputably criticizing white privilege and institutional racism. But is it not something else entirely since he chose to parody predominantly white sitcom excellence of the highest order? Just a little food for thought. Definitely worth chewing over. And, if indeed I have gotten you to use that muscle inside your skull a little bit this evening, class..then my work here is done. On to the recap and what not. It's really good to be back.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross chooses Rachel over Bonnie, Rachel writes Ross a letter laying out the conditions that Ross must agree to in order for her to give the relationship another chance, Monica tries to pee on herself, Joey tries to pee on Monica, Chandler definitely pees on Monica (could Monica be more covered in Chandler's pee?), Phoebe finds out things she has in common with her birth mom, and Ross and Rachel get in such a big fight that when Rachel breaks it off with Ross again he responds by saying, "fine by me."
Gandalf Gaffes - Well, we certainly know how to come back with a bang in the Double G department. Guess what, boys and girls? I have (count 'em) not one but two gaffes to offer up as sacrifice to the Sitcom Consistency Gods from this, our Back-To-School episode. So, enough with the formalities. Let's get right into it, shall we? Our first gaffe of Season 4 takes place in a conversation at the beach between Joey and Chandler. Full disclosure: the gaffe occurs during a scene that is not included in the broadcast version of S4:E1 but can be found in the extended-episode DVD version (Please note: it has been repeatedly established in Seasons 1-3 of Friends 20/20 that the Collector's Edition DVD episodes rather than the broadcast episodes are our bible for playing the Gandalf Gaffe game of chronicling Friends continuity issues). The conversation takes place just after Phoebe has informed Joey and Chandler that her mom's friend Phoebe is actually her birth mother. After processing the information, Joey presents Chandler with the hypothetical of finding out that his mother is not actually his mother but instead his birth mother is "hot." Playing along, Chandler points out that it wouldn't matter whether or not she's "hot" because it's your mother. Joey responds by informing Chandler that he was talking specifically about Chandler's mother with his hypothetical and therefore it would be great for him (as Chandler's friend) if Chandler's newly discovered birth mom were "hot." This exchange, while comical, is also inconsistent with previously established precedent. Ironically, exactly one year prior, in S3:E1, after discovering the embarrassing tidbit that sometimes Chandler's mom creeps into his head while he's having sex, Joey attempts to comfort Chandler by confiding that he does it too. He goes on to say that he always pictures Chandler's mom when he's having sex. While this is not only a hilarious moment, it is also revealing. The implication is that Joey thinks Chandler's mom is "hot" if he "always" pictures her while having sex. Therefore, since it was previously established that Joey thinks Chandler's mom is "hot," it is a Gandalf Gaffe for him to insinuate that she's not "hot" a year later by putting together a hypothetical of Chandler discovering that she's not his birth mom and subsequently discovering that his birth mom is "hot." I'm ruling this as a level two infraction. Our second Double G of the episode is the rare in-episode gaffe. This one is perpetrated by Chandler while telling the epic story of the Jellyfish incident at Monica and Rachel's apartment. During his recanting of the events, Chandler reports that he can still hear Joey screaming at him, "Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!" and he goes on to say that "sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming." This certainly adds theatrics to the story Chandler is telling but unfortunately for him and the Friends writers there's just one major problem: his recanting of the jellyfish incident is taking place on the same day as the incident itself so it is impossible for him to still hear the screaming late at night. How do I know that the recanting is taking place on the same day as the incident? Our heroes are all wearing the same clothes that they were wearing upon leaving the beach house. Game. Set. Match. Because Chandler's storytelling theatrics could have been explained away as simply that, this is a minor infraction but an infraction nonetheless. Chandler indulging his story? Level one infraction. Me starting the season off with a bang by pinpointing one in-episode gaffe and two Gandalf Gaffes overall? Priceless.
Gandalf Gaffe #14: Joey contradicts the already established precedent that he thinks Chandler's mom is "hot" when proposing a hypothetical to Chandler about his mom. In the hypothetical, Chandler discovers that his mom is not really his mom and instead, his real mom is "hot." It can be inferred from this hypothetical that Joey does not find Chandler's mom attractive. This is inconsistent with a revelation that Joey made to Chandler in (ironically enough) S3:E1. During that episode, Joey reveals to Chandler that, "I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex." The implication is that Joey indeed finds Chandler's mom attractive.
Gandalf Gaffe #15: While telling the epic story of the jellyfish incident, Chandler makes the rare in-episode gaffe by claiming that, "Joey kept screaming at me, 'Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!' Sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming." This is all well and good, except for the fact that (based on everybody still wearing the same clothes they left the beach in) he is telling this story on the very same day as the incident. It would be impossible for him to "still hear the screaming" late at night.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica, Chandler, and Joey are in Monica and Rachel's kitchen when they hear Ross and Rachel fighting in the bedroom. Monica and the guys try to escape to the coffee shop but Ross and Rachel come storming out into the living room before they can make a run for it. After Rachel and Ross exchange barbs where they both express there desire to be broken up again, Rachel informs Ross, " I just feel bad about all that sleep you’re gonna miss wishing you were with me!" Ross fires back, "Oh, no-no-no. Don’t you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!" Not to be discouraged or outdone, Rachel claims the last word, "And hey! Just so you know, it’s not that common! It doesn’t happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!" [The Knockout] Appearing as if he had just been presented with scientific evidence confirming his most deeply held belief, Chandler vulnerably yet emphatically declares, "I KNEW IT!"
Best Friends Forever
Season 3, Episode 25
Friends S3:E25 - I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. Yo... what is good, Mercedes-Friends. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Season 3 Finale of Friends 20/20. Considering that these posts are generally three to seven minute reads, you are mere minutes away from our summer vacation. As I mentioned last week, I'm going off the grid somewhere tropical as soon as I hand this column off to my editor. It feels amazing to know that I'm only a few short hours away from being on a beach with an umbrella in my drink. That being the case, I'm ready to get right to it. I thought we'd start today's festivities by doing something fun. Since I'm writing a season finale titled Best Friends Forever, it got me to thinking about the individual relationships among the main characters on Friends. We know they are a close-knit group but thinking about BFFs begs the question: who is the BFF for each of the six main characters on the show? Let's break it down, shall we? Ladies first. Phoebe's BFF has got to be Monica. Prior to Rachel entering the group in the pilot, Phoebe and Monica were roommates. Therefore, the fact that Phoebe has known Monica longer gives Monica the edge over Rachel in earning the title Phoebe's BFF. Of course, once we use that logic to anoint Monica as Phoebe's BFF, we have to use it to anoint her as Rachel's as well. Rachel and Monica have been friends since childhood and we just established that Phoebe and Rachel only met for the first time during the Friends pilot. The fact that Rachel has known Monica significantly longer than she's known Phoebe makes it a safe assumption that Monica is also Rachel's BFF. Having already earned the title of being both of her best friends' best friend, the real question here is, Who is Monica's BFF? Now that's a real humdinger. While Phoebe and Monica were roommates for a couple of years before the pilot, the fact that Monica has such a history with Rachel dating back to childhood gives Rachel the slight edge. Now for the guys. Joey is pretty easy...Chandler wins this in a landslide over Ross. Don't get me wrong, Joey and Ross are really good friends but how can that compete with Joey and Chandler being roommates? These two have been close to inseparable during these first few seasons of the show. I mean, come on...they are even raising chicks and ducks together. Moving on to Ross' BFF, this one is also relatively easy to score based on the logic used to determine the girls' BFFs. Ross and Chandler were college roommates and have known each other much longer than Ross has known Joey. Based on that, it's safe to assume that Chandler is Ross' BFF as well. The fact that Chandler has now joined Monica with having secured the BFF title from both his two best friends means that either Ross or Joey is going to have the dubious distinction of joining Phoebe as the only Friends who are no one's BFF. While the longevity logic has guided us most of the way through this process, here is where is gets usurped. The roommate bond that Chandler shares with Joey is just too powerful for Ross to overcome with the ammunition that he's known Chandler longer and was his college roommate. Joey and Chandler are each other's BFF. It's not really debatable. You just have to use the eye test to know that, as much as they love their buddy Ross, Chandler and Joey share a next level type of best friendship. For real, this is about more than just jewelry. It's about the fact that they are best buds. Sorry Ross, maybe you and Phoebe should consider scrapping your previous BFF and becoming each other's? So to recap...
Friends BFF List
Phoebe's BFF - Monica
Rachel's BFF - Monica
Monica's BFF - Rachel
Joey's BFF - Chandler
Ross' BFF - Chandler
Chandler's BFF - Joey
Wasn't that a fun game? I knew you'd enjoy it. Much like how you'll have no idea what tropical island I'm flying off to this afternoon until I reveal it to you when we reconvene in September, Friends: Season 3 ends in a cliff hanger. At the end of our beach episode, Ross needs to choose between staying with Bonnie or pursuing the spark he has going to rekindle his relationship with Rachel. After consulting with Joey and Chandler and making his decision, Ross walks into one of the bedrooms in the beach house to inform the recipient of his heart's desire that he wants to spend the remainder of the beach trip with her. The only problem is that we, the audience, are not shown who he walks in to be with. We are cruelly left for the summer to wonder if Ross and Rachel are getting back together or not. And this, ladies and gentleman, is how the Friends writers choose to end the most tumultuous season arc of one of the most famous couples in television history. While, obviously frustrating to have to wait, I must admit that these season-ending cliff hangers (that the Friends writers start deploying regularly after successfully pulling off this one) are one of the characteristics of the show that helps set it apart. Having to wait all summer to find out what happens next does wonders for increasing the audiences' attachment to the characters. There's a lot for us to learn from Friends' brilliant cliff-hanger writing and being that I'm a firm believer in putting knowledge to practice as quickly as possible, it's time to bid you a fond farewell. I'm on the first thing smoking out to an island that (peering into my crystal ball) may involve a keynote speech delivered by Ross down the road. The name of the island I'm heading to is...[CUT TO CLOSING CREDITS]
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe invites the gang to go to the beach in Montauk because she is trying to track down a high school friend of her parent's also named Phoebe, Chandler gets obsessed with convincing Monica that he's datable, Rachel and Ross start flirting at the beach even though Ross is currently involved with Bonnie, Joey wants everyone to play strip poker and (when Chandler finally gets everyone to play) they all gang up against Joey until he's stripped of all his clothes, Monica tries to advise Rachel to be careful with Ross, Ross realizes he needs to choose between Bonnie and Rachel after Bonnie shows up at the beach, and Phoebe discovers that her parent's friend Phoebe is actually her birth mom making them her more than her parent's BFF.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is gathering outside of Central Perk when Phoebe arrives in her grandmother's cab to drive everyone to the beach. After exchanging pleasantries, Phoebe informs Monica, Ross, Joey, and Chandler, "Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house." Suspecting that Phoebe is omitting information, Ross asks, "Yeah? What about uh...that bike messenger you hit?" Phoebe responds matter-of-factly, "Oh, I wasn’t talking about his karma." Immediately after this, Rachel walks up wearing a ridiculously oversized hat. As she is saying hello to everyone, Joey notices the spectacle and says, "Hey-hey, check out the hat!" [The Knockout] Getting in on the fun, Chandler lampoons Rachel by saying, "What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can’t have children!!"
Featured Image Source: Buvau Kine
Headline Image Source: Spreadshirt